• home > site overview > site map, directory, or search > Q&A, Project-1 links, Solutions article, or prior page > p. 1 > here

The Web address of this three-page article is http://sfhelp.org/01/innerfam1.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.

Continued from page 1.

  Meet Your Inner Family

       Your group of personality subselves is as unique as your fingerprints. Yet most of us have subselves who do standard "jobs." They may be called by a wide range of names, but their personality functions seem the same in average people.

Three Groups of Personality Parts

Our subselves seem to fall into three type, which this divorce-prevention Web site calls Regulars, Vulnerables, and Protectors. Dr. Richard Schwartz and colleagues call them Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters. While each subself has unique talents and limitations, its function and type seem common across typical adults and kids. Regular and Guardian subselves have two goals: to protect us from significant discomfort and harm (as they see it), and to survive, moment to moment.

        The Regulars or Managers are the "general staff" that guide us through daily life situations when other subselves perceive no danger. A key premise here is that one of our Regulars is a subself we'll call our true Self (capital "S"), who's unique natural talent is effective personality leadership.

        This evolving subself can help us be marvelously effective and serene, or s/he may be blocked from doing so by other upset, distrustful subselves. In this context, the words "self" (small "s") means our all subselves as a group, and "my self" (small "s") refers to all subselves + your soul and/or spirit + your body.

        Our Vulnerable Subselves are developmentally young, ranging from fetuses to infants to teens. All our inner kids fit here: most of us have several. Like physical children, they know little of the world, and are vulnerable to unwise advice and decisions and distorted perceptions. Until they feel internally known, valued, and consistently safe, Vulnerables can be powerfully needy, intense, reactive, and noisy!

        When they react to something, Vulnerables can infuse or "take over" or "blend with" our Self (capital "S"). When this happens, we're flooded with this young part's intense emotions and motives and narrow worldview. We act impulsively and become "childish." Know anyone like this?

        To protect our inner kids and us as a person, our Guardian subselves stay constantly alert to imagined or actual inner and outer dangers - even when we sleep. They're like a personal Green Beret or SWAT team of dedicated specialists. One or more Guardians spring into action whenever they believe that a Vulnerable part or is upset or may be in danger. They too can disable our Self then, often causing extreme reactions and behaviors that harm us or others.

        Typical signs of Guardians in action are "failing;" "forgetting;" "spacing, blanking, or numbing out;"   procrastinating; prolonged apathy (grief?); rage or panic "attacks;" screaming; seduction; lying or stealing; abuse to self or others; excessive worrying, idealizing, or fantasizing; some depressions; some sleep, concentration,  eating, and digestive disorders; a range of physical discomforts and conditions like migraines, tics, aches, and ulcers; delusions, phobias, suicidal and homicidal thoughts and impulses, addictions, and many more ...

       Such harmful "protective" actions may seem logically crazy or paradoxical. Most Guardian subselves seem to have their own kind of logic. With narrow views and often badly distorted or outdated information, they're fiercely dedicated to protecting us and our naive, needy inner kids.  

Guardian subselves only relax or change their roles when they trust that our Self and other Regu-lars can reliably keep our young Vulnerables consistently safe. Building this trust over time, and freeing your Self from blending to harmonize and lead your inner family of subselves, is the goal of "parts work" (inner-family therapy).

Typical Subselves

       Who makes up your talented inner family (personality)? Though each of us has a unique roster, some subselves seem to be common in function to us all. Some functions or roles are done by one subself, and some by several. You probably have some or many of these subselves - who do you recognize?

                And which of these familiar inner-family members affect you? Hilighted subselves are very common...