The Web address of this
two-page worksheet is http://sfhelp.org/01/w1-gwctraits.htm
The
prior page summarizes 20 common false-self behavioral
traits. This page adds 22 more, and comments on "scoring" your results. If
you need to, review the directions
for using this assessment tool before responding to these items. Recall
why you're using this worksheet, and reduce any physical or emotional
distractions before continuing. Is
your true Self
guiding
your other subselves now?
Me / You
__ __ 21) S/He is significantly
uncomfortable being aloneor prefers solitude to an unusual degree and seems
socially isolated.
__ __
22) S/He has
markedly
low self-esteem and is often harshly
self-critical
and discounts her/his own talents and successes. S/He is constantly
apologetic
and/or defensive, and usually deflects or dis-counts merited praise. S/He
often avoids making
appropriate eye contact with some or most males / females / authorities
/ people, and reflexively uses "you" or "we" rather than "I."
__ __ 24) S/He is often
hyper-vigilant: i.e.
anxiously alert to the present and expected painful actions of other people.
S/He tends to
assume others' (usually negative) perceptions, beliefs, and/or intentions, and
to react to things that haven’t happened yet as though they had.
__ __ 25) S/He often smiles and/or chuckles
inappropriately when nervous, hurt, confused, scared, angry,
shamed, and/or
worried. S/He is probably unaware of this habit, can’t
explain it, and may joke about it to hide related
guilt and anxiety.
__ __ 26) S/He often feels vaguely or clearly
victimized by others or "fate",regularly
avoids taking responsibility for her/his own
choices, and
denies or stubbornly rationalizes doing so;
or s/heassumes too
much responsibility, and feels guilty for things
s/he can't control.
__ __ 27) S/He is highly sensitive to real or imagined
criticism from others, and unnecessarily rational-izes, explains, and defends her
or his
actions and values. S/He is quick to blame others, or often
empa-thizes with "the other guy’s" situation and gives in
easily.
__ __ 28) S/He commonly fears,
distrusts, is tense
around, and/or argues with some authority figures.S/He feels very
anxious without clear instructions, or compulsively resists them and
acts independently despite others' irritation or frustration.
__ __ 29) S/He fears saying "no"
and offending people or being rejected by them. S/He avoids
setting appropriate limits(boundaries) with others, and feels reluctant to - and
guilty about -
respectfully
asser-ting her/his own
rights, needs, values, perceptions, and
opinions.
__ __ 30)
S/He confuses pity with
love, and/or
associates love with pain.S/He usually focuses on
others' needs first, and
seeks to
rescue or "fix" them;
or s/heis over-concerned with
his or her own needs (is "self centered.") S/He avoids intimacy, or
cyclically seeks, then runs from it - i.e. s/he has a history of
approach < > avoid relationships.
__ __ 31) S/He
hangs on desperately to
relationships that regularly cause significant shame,
fear, guilt, hurt, resentment, sorrow, and frustration. S/He may repeatedly cycle between intense
jealousy and guilt; Major personal relationship-choices are often largely based on
fears of
criticism, "being wrong," rejection, and
abandonment.
__ __ 32) S/He
often feels bored, restless, or uneasy
without current personal or environmental
crisis,
drama, chaos, and/or excitement. At times
s/he
seems to seek or make crises, and denies, jokes about, or rationalizes (justifies) this.
__ __ 33) Typically s/he
waits
and reacts to situationsor is often self-harmfully impulsiveand
proactive.
__ __ 34)
S/He often feels alone,
disconnected,
or
lonely, even in a group. S/He rarely feels s/he really
belongs anywhere.
__ __ 35) S/He
often seeks comfort, pleasure, and gratification now
vs. later, even if that's self-harmful in the long run. S/He may defend,
justify, or minimize this, rationalize it by saying
''I can't help it,'' and/or deflects from it by
joking.
__ __ 36) S/He prefers to work independently- e.g.
as a consultant, craftsperson, or entrepreneur -
and/or to work in a solitary
setting. S/He
changes jobs often or stays at the same job for years. S/He works in a
human-service occupation or avocation (nurse or doctor, teacher, counselor,
coach, clinician, lawyer,
clergyperson, consultant, sales or service rep,…)
__ __ 37) S/He rarely or
compulsively initiates social activities. S/He habitually avoids
orcompulsively
seeks being the center of social and/or occupational attention.
__ __ 38) S/He is
frequently self-centered
and grandiose orsubtly or clearly
self-abusive,self-depreca-ting,
self-sabotaging, and
self-neglectful - e.g. eating poorly, overworking, avoiding exercise, and never seeing a doctor or
dentist except in emergencies.
__ __ 39) S/He habitually withholds or shades the truth or
lies
to avoid expected criticism, rejection,
and/or "hurting (displeasing) others."
S/He
denies or minimizes doing this, and secretly feels
guilty
and
ashamed
about it.
__ __ 40)
S/He is secretly or openly
critical or
ashamed of her or hisappearance and/or body. S/He may be extremely modest
or very immodest. S/He consistently grooms and dresses
shabbily and drab-ly, or "loudly," over-formally, or
perfectly.
__ __ 41) S/He repeatedly chooses people with significant false-self
wounds as
mates, friends,
and associates;
__ __ 42)
S/He
denies
or discounts having many or most of
these traits to excess,explains them de-fensively, and/or minimizes
their personal significance - and s/he probably denies this denial,
justifies it,
and/or
jokes about it.
These are typical behavioral traits
of someone often controlled by a false self. There are others - this is
not an exhaustive list. Each wounded person has a unique mix and variety of
traits like these, depen-ding on their life experiences, circumstances, ancestral
inheritances, and which subselves dominate their personality.
For more perspective, read this research summary on "bad
habits."
"Scoring"
this Worksheet
There is no
research-based "scale" with which to reliably interpret your
score here. The lower the
nurturance level
of a person's childhood environment, the
more items above may be checked - but see # 42. Because none of us grew up in
perfectly healthy childhoods, has some of these traits.
The real questions are which
traits, how many, and what
impacts are all the traits having on the person's
life and health so far? Two common impacts are psychological
and/or legal
divorce or never committing to a primary partner. Other common impacts are
addictions, depression, "anxiety attacks," "mood disorders," (some)
obesity,
and/or chronic health problems.
If your results suggest that you (or whomever you rated) "aren't
significantly wounded," I urge you
to use the other 10 assessment checklists
to validate or challenge that conclusion. Typical false selves are
masters of distortion, and may fear your breaking any protective denials
they maintain.
Every adult and child can be subjectively placed somewhere on a line between
"slightly wounded" to "extremely wounded." Generally, the
more checks or "X's" above, the higher the odds that the person you're rating has
significant false-self dominance and wounds. The
greater the wounds, the greater the chances of chronic trouble maintaining personal health, satisfying
work situations, and lasting, healthy relationships.
As a
rough guide, if you checked more than 15 of these 42 items, I suggest you or the person you rated...
seriously consider some form of personal
wound-recovery with qualified
help.
For options for relating well-enough to a wounded
adult or
child, follow thee links..
Status Check
See where you stand now on assessing for false-self (psychological) wounds -
T = "true," F = "false," and ? = "I'm not sure," or "it
depends on (what?)";
I accept that normal personalities
are composed of talented subselves, like members of an orchestra or
sports team (T F ?) If you don't, read this
letter, and try this safe, interesting
exercise.
I can explain the concept of a
true Self and a false self to an average teen now. (T F ?)
I can name at least six common
symptoms
of a true Self guiding someone's personality (T F ?)
I can explain what a family or
other social group's
nurturance level
is, and how it relates to personality subselves (T F ?)
I accept the idea that
survivors
of a low-nurturance childhood often bear up to six "false self
wounds.
(T F ?)
I can name all six false self
wounds, and at least four common personal
effects
of these wounds on average people. (T F ?)
I can explain what
hitting ''true bottom''
means, to an average teen, and how hitting bottom relates to effective
wound-recovery. (T F ?)
I believe that once protective
denials are broken, significant false-self wounds can inten-tionally be
reduced
over time (T F ?)
I am motivated to honestly
assess
myself now for significant false-self wounds. (T F ?)
My true Self is
responding
to this status check. (T F ?)
All the content in this nonprofit
Break the Cycle! Web site assumes you can answer most or all of these
items "True," without ambivalence. If you can't yet, reconsider the
content here if / when you hit true bottom...
Continue
with
inner-wound assessment worksheet #2 - high-nurturance-birthfamily
traits.
+ + +
his
article wasvery
helpful
somewhat helpful
not
helpful>>
The Web address of this
two-page worksheet is http://sfhelp.org/01/w1-gwctraits.htm
For more perspective, read this research summary on "
"Scoring"
this Worksheet