|
 |
|
Break the [wounds +
unawareness] cycle and guard your descendents |
|
Wound-assessment Worksheet
-
p. 2 of 2
"Scoring" Your
Family-Tree
Assessment
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
|
 The Web address of this
two-page worksheet is http://sfhelp.org/01/w3-f-tree.htm
This concludes a
two-page self-assessment worksheet on seeking clues in
your family tree on whether you or key others may be unaware of
significant psychological
from early-childhood deprivations and traumas.
Reminder - please turn off your
browser's popup blocker to access useful informational popups here.
 "Scoring"
a Family Tree
The
dozen
wound-
worksheets come from
30 years of clinical experience with
over 1,000 troubled adults. The worksheets and related articles are also
shaped by my own
from a very
childhood since 1986.
As with the other
wound-assessment worksheets, there
is no research-based yardstick or scale that I know of to help reliably measure your
results from this one. The more of the traits or events on
page 1
that appear in an adult’s or child’s ancestry, the higher the odds
they got too little emotional/spiritual nurturance in their early years, and automatically developed a
dedicated
to survive.
We all have some of these
ancestral traits and traumas. Watch for clusters
of them among several members of a particular generation.
My clinical guideline
is: if there are probably or surely
five or more of these factors in any person's current and past two
generations, they’re probably significantly
(controlled by a false self).
I know of no credible research that validates this (yet) - but see these
research summaries on kids from "risky families"
and most "mental-illness" starting by age 14.
Your responses to the other
11 Project-1 checklists will validate or refute your findings here. "Significantly-wounded" means
the person you assessed will probably
-
unintentionally pass on significant wounds to their descendents,
-
avoid genuine commitment or repeatedly commit to wounded partners, and
-
replicate low-nurturance
(toxic) relationships until they...
-
commit to some form of effective personal wound-healing.
Assigning any of these worksheet traits to an
ancestor is a subjective decision. Deciding what "excessive" is in any family
member is an opinion. To improve the objectivity of your research
here, ask knowledgeable others (e.g. other kin, close family friends, involved health
professionals) to reality-check your opinions about the existence of any trait you’re
unsure of. The more traumatic (read terrifying or shameful) the trait, the more intense a
reaction you'll probably get.
| Alert: if
you are significantly wounded, your governing false self is
likely to minimize or deny some or many of these ancestral traits
Also,
some of
these traits may have been shameful
and you were never told about them. |
Each of these
family-tree factors or several together may have promoted excessive
hurt, confusion, rage, or anxiety in family kids of that
generation.
Whether that happened depends largely on whether family adults (a) were
and aware enough to nurture
the kids and themselves effectively at the time.
If
they didn’t, these reactions may (vs. will) stunt healthy wholistic
growth in minor kids. This promotes later relationship problems, "failures," and
a downward spiral of chronic self-wounding experiences over time. Effective personal
can stopthis
and promote restoring control of a chaotic
to the person's wise true
Self, over time.
What
Now?
Learn more - e.g. read the Project-1
guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life?" (xlibris.com), and selected
other "Adult Child" books;
Identify the specific
you have, and work to clarify how these are
affecting your (and your kids') lives; and …
Evolve and work a personal
wound-recovery plan over time, with appropriate professional and
other help. People in real (vs.
pseudo)
wound-recovery usually keep such plans as a consistently high priority.
That suggests (vs. proves) that you probably
are too, because wounded adults and kids (i.e. their ruling
subselves) seem to unconsciously choose each other - repeatedly; and...
If you co-raised kids with that partner, those
children are
probably struggling with
early versions of some aspects
of false-self dominance and related wounding. That’s added incentive for you to learn about
such wounding and effective recovery from it, for living and future
descendents' sakes. For more perspective, see self-assessment worksheet
#4.
- If you feel your
current partner
is probably or surely ruled by a false self, discuss this concept
and worksheet with them. Ask them
to self-assess, using these Project-1 worksheets or equivalent. If s/he balks, postpones,
pooh-poohs doing so, or vehemently disagrees, honestly re-examine why you’re in a
primary relationship with this person.
Note: until a
significantly-wounded person hits true (vs. pseudo)
you
persuade or force them to break their denials or
want to start
personal healing. Commonly, hitting bottom happens in midlife. Some
wounded people never do. ...
Wounded
of childhood deprivation and trauma often unconsciously commit
to the wrong
for the wrong
at the wrong
Two
are at major risk
of major relationship conflicts and stress, and sequential breakups -
specially
in complex, high-risk stepfamilies. And they're likely to re-create a
low-nurturance environment for them and their minor kids, despite vowing not
to.
Your
minor kids mutely depend on you co-parents to protect them
against such massive loss and trauma - again…
+ + +
These
11 wound-assessment worksheets
can’t conclusively "prove" low-nurturance childhoods and
related psychological wounds. Together, they
can provide clear, suggestive evidence that there may have been such.
The high personal and co-parental
stakes here merit getting an informed professional opinion, rather
than relying solely on your (subjective) Self.
Resources
-
This overview of
Project 1 -
for false-self wounds and reduce
any you find;
-
How to create a stepfamily map or
genogram
-
A summary of young children's
developmental needs
-
Understanding, learning from, and
avoiding family secrets
-
These articles on
increasing honesty (trust) and respect between your stepfamily members;
-
An introduction
to effective communication
which is essential for wound
recovery and high-nurturance relationships and families;
-
Options for
relating well-enough to
significantly-wounded adults and kids; and...
-
These helpful books:
Notes /
Thoughts …
 Continue
with self-assessment worksheet
# 4: how typical members behave in low-nurturance vs. high-nurturance
(wholistically healthy) groups.
<< Prior page / Add to favorites
/ Print page
/ Email this worksheet's address
>>
home
/ site overview
/
directory /
site map
/
Q&A /
/
solutions
/
site search
/
glossary
research /
free course /
guidebooks
/
NEW
forums /
resources / feedback
and/or subscribe / *
Updated
January 04, 2009
|