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Course
Background
After 30
years full-time clinical research, I believe there are
five interactive reasons for our
unremarked U.S. re/divorce epidemic:
Unseen
in re/wedding
partners and their ex mates and kids. These seem to be promoted by
unintentional low childhood
, and personal and societal
and indifference;
Unawareness of
(a) basic
relationship,
and
skills, and
(b) stepfamily norms,
realities,
uniquenesses,
and
merger tasks;
in co-parents
and/or kids from up to three sets of major
(broken bonds):
(a) childhood, (b) biofamily reorganization from parental divorce or
death, and (c)
stepfamily formation (single-parent family reorganization);
These three factors promote
typical
couples making up to three unwise courtship choices:
committing to the wrong
for the wrong
at the wrong
Lack of informed
stepfamily support in the media, state laws, and local
communities. "Informed" means "aware of the ideas in this
Break the Cycle! Web site."
Three widespread hazards
for typical courting co-parents are...
Not knowing the ~60 differences between their
potential stepfamily and traditional intact biofamilies, and...
Not knowing what
these combined differences
- i.e.
having unrealistic expectations.
These two factors and lack of media and clergy
result
in...
Co-parents' disinterest in
seeking informed stepfamily education. The disinterest
is amplified by couples wanting to avoid the "negative" (abnormal,
second best, weird) aura that has attached to stepfamilies and
These factors have
combined to promote (so far) the general lack of informed media
and community educational programs about stepfamily re/marriage and
life, for lay people, clergy, clinicians, educators, case workers, and
divorce mediators, attorneys, judges, and legislators.
| Bottom line:
typical courting
co-parents are at high risk of major relationship
and eventual re/divorce - yet many aren't
aware of this. If they are aware, most
that
the risk applies to them. They and their supporters
don't know what they don't know.
These eight re/marriage-preparation modules aim to
correct this. |
Author
Background
As an ex engineer, businessman, manager, trainer, a master's-level
therapist, support-group co-founder, educator, and an independent
researcher, I've worked professionally since 1979 to...
This
30-year
effort has resulted in...
A two-year full-time review of lay and professional
stepfamily literature for my Master's thesis. I've read over 40
books and 300 lay and clinical articles about aspects of
divorced-family and stepfamily life, and continue to read.
Accumulating over 17,000 hours consulting with over
1,000 typical courting, re/married, and divorced co-parents in
classes and a private therapy practice since 1981;
A three to four-hour re/marriage-assessment protocol
for courting co-parent couples. Scan
these worksheets to get a sense of the assessment questions.
A set of six guidebooks. They
integrate the content of the key articles in
this Web site.
A seven-session, 18-contact-hour interactive class
for re/married stepfamily co-parents.
Presenting over 300 one-hour to two-day classes and
seminars on a wide range of personal recovery, relationship,
stepfamily, communication, grief, and co-parenting topics. These
have been for lay people, students, and professional groups. And my
work has produced...
A 3.5-hour re/marriage-preparation seminar for
courting co-parents. I've led this seminar, sponsored by a large
Catholic diocesan Family Life Office, with over 40 groups of
Chicago-area couples since 1985.
The eight
re/marriage-preparation modules here are based on all of these.
The module designs are greatly shaped by...
My
undergraduate (Stanford) engineering training, and seven years'
engineering experience with GT&E Laboratories. This taught me how to
observe, think, problem-solve; and understand how
work.
My
11 years as a systems engineer, manager, and professional trainer for
IBM and Ridge consultants (New York). These experiences taught me how to
manage and facilitate groups.
My
personal
since 1986 from
growing up in a very
(double alcoholic) home.
This has led me to intense study of low-nurturance families and their
developmental stages and traits. I now believe these have profound
implications for family functioning and (re)divorce. I know no other
stepfamily or divorce researcher or author who describes equivalent
education and life experience.
My
coursework for a
masters degree in Social Work (MSW), and several hundred hours of
post-graduate training. I was clinically trained in 1983 by stepfamily
pioneers John and Emily Visher, who later invited me to serve on the
Board of the
(SAA). President Marjorie Engel invited me to join the SAA
Advisory Council in 2000, and to rejoin the Board in 2001. I have
studied communication, grieving, trauma-recovery, and stepfamily
dynamics, relationships, and traits full time since 1979. And...
I've studied
inner-family
systems theory and
with pioneer
psychologist Dr. Richard Schwartz and colleagues, and used it for over
15 years with scores of clients. I experience it as an effective way to
help willing adults recover from the psychological
from childhood neglect and
trauma. And...
I have
35 years' experience studying
and teaching effective communication
This includes five
years' study of clinical (Ericksonian) hypnosis, which taught me about
our amazing unconscious mind/s. And...
I've lived
in two stepfamilies, as a
stepgrandson, stepson, stepbrother, and stepfather of two pre-teen
girls. Like millions of others, our stepfamily didn't make it. Now I see
why.
I believe these factors combine to make the content and design of this
practical course unique and unusually effective, if well presented.
If you share my interest in
preventing divorce and
promoting (step)family health and success, please evaluate these eight
modules. There is no charge for anything here. I'd be pleased to
talk with you about this
re/marriage-prep course, and/or to hear of your experience with it.
Module-guide Contents
You can
download a guide for each of the eight seminar modules. Each guide
summarizes:
-
Participant prerequisites for that module;
-
Leader
preparations needed to facilitate the module effectively, using
the guide materials (content outline, visuals, and handouts) and
related Web pages from this Web site;
-
The goals
of the module;
-
An
annotated, point-by-point content outline, including links to
resource Web-pages. Each outline includes many process and content
options, to allow condensing or expanding the module to suit your
and your participants' unique needs and resources. The process is a
blend of presentations, exercises, and small and large group
discussions;
-
Suggested
layouts for visual aids (flipcharts, slides, or overhead
projector transparencies) that match the content; and...
-
Print-ready copies of recommended
handouts for seminar participants. Most modules recommend
additional (optional) handouts, and links to reference Web-pages.
The eight module guides are
supplemented by a separate Leader's Guide. It
provides:
-
background and purpose of this series,
and identifies the intended audiences;
-
advertising suggestions,
-
general leader pre-requisites;
-
links to many resource pages in this
nonprofit educational Web site, and pointers to other resources;
-
summaries of key topics, handouts, and
visual-aids in each of modules 1-7, and...
-
a dozen specific suggestions for
effective large-group facilitation.
+ + +
Pause, breathe, and recall why you read this. Did you get what
you needed? If not, what
you need? Who's
these questions - your wise
or
intro, p. 1 /
course outline /
download
links /
course
comparison
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