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This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological
building
family relationships, breaking the [wounds + unawareness]
and
divorce. This intro-duction describes
the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each
article is part of a mosaic of
ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make. These
articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
|
There are many hyperlinks in this article. If you find
them too distracting, consider reading the article without
following them, and then re-reading and seeing
where the links lead.
|
This article is written to
lay and professional people interested in the traditional 12 Steps of main
-line
"Anonymous" recovery programs. From 28 years' clinical study and
personal experience, the article
respectfully proposes amendments to these proven Steps to acknowledge
the reality of the normal
that cause most (all?)
This
is one of a
series of Web
articles on
family
-
yourself and
perhaps other important people for symptoms of significant
false-self
If
enough symptoms are found (a subjective judgment),
-
commit to a personal
program and
empower your
(capital "S") to guide your
other
People with one or more active
addictions
need to maintain sobriety for at least a year before attemp-ting this.
Addiction recovery is a requisite for false-self-wound recovery.
Both require hitting true (vs.
pseudo, or trial)
To get the
most from this article, please
review these first:
Background
I am the Adult Child of two alcoholic
(wounded) parents - an "ACoA." Since my discovery of this harsh reality in
1986 at age 38, I've studied...
I've been in
personal ACoA recovery since 1986, and
have experienced major life improvements from it. As a person and
professional therapist, I've
witnessed similar healing in many others on their unique paths to personal
wholistic health,
and
As I became aware of the ideas comprising co-parent
here, I began to see ACoA-like symptoms in most of my
hundreds of
and stepfamily students and therapy clients.
Many had not been raised by chemically-addicted parents. Professional reflection, inquiry, study,
my own therapy, and direct observation since 1979 have convinced me
that...
|
1) The psychological
and behavioral
symptoms
commonly attributed to average Adult Children of Alcoholics are
identical
to those displayed by any adult who
wounded caregivers and a
childhood.
Chemical (or other) dependence need not be involved. These
wounds and behavioral
symptoms appear to be the same as those of people with the
toxic
condition (vs. "sick-ness") of
- a form of
relationship addiction. |
Consequently, I
generalize the terms ACoA, addict, co-addict, and codependent
in this site and related guidebooks as
(GWC). I thank journalist/author
Gloria Lintermans for the term, which replaced the unpleasant, accurate label "Grown Deprived Child."
Lay and professional authors are still
searching for an acceptable label for adult survivors of childhood
The closest convention so far seems to be
Adult Child of family
or
of toxic or dysfunctional parents.
I also now believe that
...
2) Average kids
survive low-nurturance childhoods by automatically forming a protective,
clever, short-sighted
which dominates their perceptions, emotions, behaviors, and
relationships. The extreme form of this is now called
Dissociative Identity Disorder
(D.I.D.) by
psychiatrists and other mental health professionals. The American
Psychiatric Association (APA) now estimates about 5% of Americans endure this
serious, treatable disability.
I conclude this after
studying and professionally practicing
for 15 years. I en-dorse and use key concepts evolved by
psychologist Dr. Richard Schwartz and colleagues, and the
Internal Family
Systems Association (IFSA). The wisdom of
many other veteran clinicians has shaped my
perception of how
false selves form and operate, and how inner harmony can be improved.
If you're
about normal personality
read
this, and
return here. Then
try this inter-esting
exercise after finishing this article.
I emphasize that
the
high majority of us who are often controlled by a false self are
crazy - because...
-
we can function reasonably well in society and at
home and work, and...
-
usually
pose no danger to ourselves or others.
Except for the small percentage of us who endured such massive
early trauma that we developed extreme personality "splitting" (formerly called "Multiple
Personality Disorder, or MPD)," most of us Grown Wounded Children appear "normal enough"
on the surface. However, our
are expert, well-meaning deceivers, because our childhood
experiences taught them that the world was unsafe.
Closer study of
typical GWCs in denial shows inexorable
patterns of personal and relationship stressors, like isolation,
cycles,
chronic
eating and "mood disorders," and various
recurring psychological and physical health
problems.
Once denials are really broken via
"hitting true (vs. pseudo)
bottom," personal
and informed help gradually change that!
3) After
30 years' study, I've also concluded that the 12-step life philosophy
first promoted in 1935 by
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) co-founders "Dr. Bob" and "Bill W."
can help stabilize and reduce the toxic behavioral
traits
of all childhood-neglect survivors
(GWCs),
not just addicts. |
therapy has
gradually replaced traditional Freudian psychoanalysis since the
1950s. The
concepts of ACoA, co-alcoholic, codependence, and
family dysfunction began affecting our culture around
1980, so we're just starting to understand how the traditional 12 AA steps relate to them.
The recent service organizations for Adult Children of
Alcoholics, codependents Anonymous,
Gamblers
Anonymous, Families Anonymous,
Overeaters Anonymous,
Sex Addicts Anonymous,
and more are adapting the original 12-steps to fit their members' needs.
New body-scanning technology like Positron Emission Tomography (PET) and the emerging
personality-subself concept obsoletes the toxic legacy
of
that our ignorant,
wounded ("God-fearing") ancestors
attached to addiction.
Using "Anonymous" in naming any 12-step
recovery group implies that wounded people are morally bad and must
hide their "condition" from social awareness, or endure condemnation
and pity (inferiority). This is like preaching that mental retardation or
naiveté is a shameful personal choice.
My professional
research and experience
suggests that one universal problem
causes the symp-toms of...
-
all
12-step compulsions and obsessions, and...
-
most mood, character, and
personality "disorders," and...
-
societal
of the ongoing
of
unintended parental neglect and resulting
psychological wounds.
If this is true, we can help future generations by
merging all 12-step programs into a common movement called
"Recoverers United" or similar. Notice your
reaction...
A Proposed Update of the 12 Steps
With veneration for the courageous men and women who created, validated, and
implemented the original 12 steps, I propose an upgrade to reflect new
knowledge.
Based on the three beliefs above, this upgrade integrates the idea that addicts,
co-addicts, and all of us struggling to lift ourselves out of shame,
confusion, emptiness, and fear are really
trying to restore our
to lead our other
with the essential
support of our
Intentionally developing personal-subself harmony can reduce or eliminate
dependence on 12-step-meetings ("Keep on keeping on - Keep coming back") to
avoid
relapsing.
Relapses are real and
tragic. I believe they occur because people haven't (a) hit
(b) accepted their
false-self
and (c) begun to
reduce them yet.
in this non-profit
site
and the related
offer an effective way to do this over time.
The ACoA World Service organization
amendment of the original 12 AA steps is reprinted below on the left, and the
proposed update on the right. Proposed changes are in
italics. I offer this to fellow recover-ers and their families and supporters as "wet clay," for
much is new, uncertain, and un-researched.
Our human yearning for health,
serenity, compassion, unity, love, and Life-purpose are timeless and universal.
So are our evolving
Do you agree?
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