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This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological
building
family relationships, breaking the [wounds + unawareness]
and
divorce. This intro-duction describes the
Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each
article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so
the more you read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment,
vs. re-place, other
professional help.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
Based
on 50 adult years on Earth and 28 year' experience as a family systems
therapist, This article
proposes necessary ingredients for mutually-satisfying relationships.
Use it as a checklist to assess the quality of key relationships in your
life - including between you and a Supreme Being, and the relationships
between the dynamic subselves that make up your personality.
This article assumes you're familiar with these ideas:
-
the basic premises
underlying this nonprofit Web site.
-
normal personality subselves -
slides or
text
-
the
pervasive [wounds + unawareness] cycle that may be stressing you
- slides or text,
-
this self-assessment
quiz on personalities and relationships;
-
these Q&A
items or relationships; and...
-
common barriers
to satisfying interpersonal relationships.
Relationships 101
We humans are social critters.
adults and kids
instinctively form minor to primary
- emotional attachments
-
with other living things, starting with early
caregivers. Relationships form spontaneously between people to fill
each person's array of
Your
relationships are governed by your and your partner's
needs, and
circumstan-ces. They range between...
-
chosen to required - e.g. relationships with
neighbors and coworkers;
-
nurturing
filling and growth-promoting) to toxic
(wounding);
-
symmetrical (balanced) to unsymmetrical;
-
genuine to pseudo;
-
independent to interdependent to dependent
to
(addictive);
-
primary to secondary to superficial;
-
intimate to platonic to impersonal;
-
temporary to long-term; and..
-
proactive (intentional, conscious) to reactive (passive,
unconscious).
All relationships have common and unique requisites, depending on the mix of
these factors. If you become
of the factors that
shape the quality of your key relationships (below), you can (a) choose more
compatible people, and (b) identify and negotiate
missing relationship ingredients with receptive partners. You can also (c) teach
your kids this priceless knowledge!
Premises
See how you feel about these proposals:
Each partner can
control or acquire
relationship-requisites (below), and not others. All four sets of factors
must be present "often enough," as judged by each partner.
A core requisite for any healthy relationship is that
each person's
personality is often
by their resident
Most personal and social "problems" strongly suggest that the people involved are
dominated by false selves, and don't know that or how to reduce it. The
Web pages and
guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life? offer perspective, answers, options, and resources.
Most core relationship ingredients
(below) come
from a
child-hood. Once aware
of them, adults guided by their
true Selves can cultivate these fac-tors
in their homes and family.
Courtship
idealisms, and excitement are apt to
your clear,
subjective assessment of these relationship ingredients with a prospective
partner and their family. Over half of typical marrying Americans eventually decide that they
committed to the wrong
for the wrong
at the wrong
4) US
A
harmonious