Lesson 2 of 7 - learn effective communication skills

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Overview and Table of Contents:

SATISFACTIONS - 7 Relationship
Skills You Need to Know

(Xlibris.com, 2010; 2nd ed.)

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC experts Council

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the Web address of this page is https://sfhelp.org/books/toc_satisfactions.htm

Updated  01-02-2015

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      This Lesson 2 guidebook integrates most of these Web pages describing a vital adult project: (a) learn, (b) apply, and (c) teach your kids seven communication skills to promote life-long effective problem-solving and high-nurturance relationships. These skills are useful for anyone!

      One of five widespread relationship hazards is unawareness. Like their (your) childhood caregivers, most adults don't know how to communicate and problem-solve effectively. To see if this is true of you, take this brief video quiz or this online version. This YouTube video mentions eight self-improvement lessons in this Web site. I've reduced that to seven.:

      Could the adults who raised you answer these questions? Could your school teachers? If you're nurturing youjng people, are you teaching them the answers?

      Lesson 2 in this nonprofit self-improvement Web site provides communication basics and seven learnable skills that few people were ever taught. When used by mutually-respectful partners, these skills are powerful tools for resolving most family, social, and business relationship and role problems.

  What's Different About This Book?

      There are many books, tapes, and programs available to enhance your communication effectiveness. Satisfactions is unique for six reasons...

It's based on (a) an "inner-family" theory of personality, and (b) a related series of seven learnable skills (below) that promote effective thinking and problem-solving;

This book proposes that effective communication happens when people (a) get current primary, vs. surface needs met, (b) in a way that leaves them feeling good about themselves, their partner/s, and the process between them. I've never seen any other communication materials propose the skill of digging down (below) to identify these true, or primary, needs as requisite for effective communications.

      Another unique foundation of this book is...

The keystone concepts of R(espect) messages and E(motion) levels. I've never seen these described together in almost 40 years of research and teaching. If you can't describe the five messages  we all decode from each other semiconsciously, you're probably unaware of how R-messages may degrade your most important communications.

This book is one of a kind because it contains Status checks (conceptual reviews and reality checks) and Web-link addresses to many resource articles and worksheets in this site and others. and Satisfactions is unique because it...

Includes (a) a 95-page communication and relationship glossary of selected words and phrases, based on the personality-subself concept,;(b) many page cross-references throughout the text, and (c) a thorough index and  to help you quickly find what you seek. Finally, this book is like no other because of...

My unique engineering + business + family-therapy + inner-family training and experience over four decades. For over 30 years, I have studied interpersonal communication skills and taught them to hundreds of couples, adults, and kids. No other published author or group of authors writing about communication skills has my unique meld of training, experience, personality, perception, and motivation. 

      What do you know already about effective communication and conflict resolution? You rely on this learned skill more than any other every day and night to fill your personal and social needs. Your children depend on you and your other co-parents to teach them these vital skills. Are you doing this?

 Satisfactions Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

 9

Introduction

13

BASICS AND THE 7 SKILLS

27

1) Basics..............................................................

29

2) Communication awareness

69

3) Clear (vs. fuzzy) thinking

115

4) Dig down to primary needs

140

5) Metatalk: talking about communicating

191

6) Empathic listening - "hearing with your heart"

203

7) Effective assertion

220

8) Effective problem-solving (conflict resolution)

254

9) Resolve your inner conflicts first

293

10) High-nurturance relationships

313

11) What would your life be like. . .

342

RESOURCES

351

A) Summary: communication basics

353

B) A personal Bill of Rights - the basis of effective assertions  

362

C) Summary: communication awareness

 367

D) Summary: clear-thinking skill

371

E) Summary: dig-down skill

378

F) Summary: metatalk skill

382

G) Summary: empathic-listening Skill

386

H) Summary: effective assertion

391

I ) Summary: win-win problem solving

395

J) Common communication blocks

405

K) Selected readings

414

L) Communication and relationship Terms

418

Index ....................................................................

513

ISBN: 0-7388-6960-0 (paperback) and  0-7388-6961-9 (hardcover)

also available as an e-book from the publisher

  Mail order this practical guiderbook

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