Perspective on Family Secrets

    A "family secret" exists when some adult or child unconsciously or intentionally avoids publicly disclosing something about a living or dead relative and/or a family event. Some people may view this withholding as "lying by omission."

    Keeping secrets may be unconsciously following an unspoken tradition ("our adults never talk about their childhoods") or a spoken family rule ("What happens among us is nobody else's business.").

    Withholding any truth about someone or something usually indicates the secret-keepers feel scared, guilty, and or ashamed of something that - if made public - would cause significant stress to some person or group.

    Such feelings may indicate that a family's adults and their ancestors inherited significant psychological wounds and ignorance - i.e. that their family is dysfunctional or "low nurturance." 

    If your family keeps major secrets, guard your descendents by using Lesson 1 to assess your adults for significant psychological wounds and reduce them.

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