Lesson 3 of 7 - learn how to grieve well


Quiz: What Do You Know
About Bonding, Losses,
and Healthy Grieving

By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

Member NSRC Experts Council

The Web address of this quiz is https://sfhelp.org/grief/quiz3.htm

Updated 01-16-2015

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      This is one of a series of articles comprising online Lesson-3 in the Break the Cycle! self-improvement course. This lesson aims to educate readers on healthy grieving basics so they can spot and complete unfinished mourning and evolve pro-grief relationships and families.

       This self-assessment quiz can help you decide if you and/or other people need to learn more about interpersonal bonds, losses (broken bonds), and healthy grief. The quiz exists because incomplete grief seems to be a significant stressor for many people, relationships, and families.

      This brief video previews the quiz you'll find below:

      This quiz assumes you're familiar with...



      To get the most from this quiz, first...

Check to see if your true Self is guiding you now. If not, expect skewed results below.

Expect to learn some useful things here;

Choose an undistracted place and time to respond to the items below. You can't "fail" this quiz - just learn from it!. 

Print the quiz, and scan all the items before responding. Follow any links after you finish to learn the answers.

Rate yourself. From 1 (very ineffective griever) to 10 (very effective griever), how effective a griever are you? ____ We'll revisit this question after you finish the quiz...

"Good Grief" Quiz

1)  Five related factors that promote widespread personal, relationship, and family stress are:






2)  What is human attachment or bonding , and how does it happen? 





3)  What can block the normal ability to form human bonds? Blocked people have little reason to grieve, and may appear to be cold, distant, impersonal, over-analytic, unfeeling, uncaring, detached, and aloof. Do you know anyone like that? For extra credit - do you know what this inability to bond is called by professionals?



4)  In a healthy-grieving context, what is a ''loss''?



5)  What's the important difference between a change and a loss ?

6)  Name the two kinds of personal losses: ____________________ and

____________________ .

7Name at least eight common kinds of broken psychological bonds (losses) other than death:

8)  Describe two ways  personal bonds get broken. 


9)  What are the three levels of wholistically-healthy grieving?


  • (for some people) 

10)  What are the specific phases of each of these three levels, and how can you tell when each stage is “done”?

Level 1 phases:

Level 2 phases:

Level 3 phases:

11)   Seven requisites for healthy three-level mourning are:

12)  Describe specifically what “incomplete grief” is: 



13)  Name at least six symptoms of incomplete grief:


14)  Name four or more typical personal consequences of incomplete grief in a child or adult:

15)  Describe
(a) what inner permission to grieve means, and (b) how to tell if an adult or child really has solid inner permission:



16)  Describe (a) what outer (social) permission to grieve means, and (b) how to tell if an adult or child really has solid outer permission: 



17)  Describe the difference between a pro-grief and anti-grief relationship or family:



18)  Name at least three reasons  that adults and kids from low-nurturance childhoods may have trouble grieving losses effectively:

19How long does effective grieving take? 


20)  Describe (a) at least four things typical "losers" need from their supporters, and (b) "effective grief support."

Effective grief support is...



21)  Name at least four specific things family adults can do to finish incomplete grief:


22)  Describe an effective personal and family grieving policy.



23)  Say your (a) personal and (b) family grieving policies out loud now, and where you learned them. "No policy" is a policy!

24)  Compare your current grieving policies with the personal policies of each of your main childhood caregivers, and of the family you grew up in. Would you say each of these early policies promoted or hindered effective grief?



25)  Name the five most impactful physical and invisible losses (broken bonds) in your life so far: 

26)  On a scale of 1 (I've never grieved this loss) to 10 (I have fully accepted and adapted to this loss), rate how well-grieved each of these losses is now.

      If you're not in a divorcing family or stepfamily and don't expect to be, skip to item #30.

27)  Name at least six typical physical and invisible losses resulting from  family separation and/or divorce:

28)  Name at least six typical physical and invisible losses typical adults and kids commonly experience from (a) stepfamily re/marriage and (b) combining households (cohabiting):

29Name five or more reasons that incomplete grief in an adult or child causes major personal and relationship problems.


__ 30)  Describe _ the difference between active grieving and depression, and _ how to react to each of these in _ myself and _ other people I care about.



31On a scale of 1 (very ineffective griever) to 10 (very effective griever), how effective a griever are you? ____. How does this compare with your pre-quiz rating? Would the people who know you best agree with your rating? Option: rate the grieving effectiveness of each person you care deeply about.

32)  Is your true Self (capital "S") responding to this quiz, or is someone else?

      Reflect - where are your thoughts now? What did you just learn? Does "ignorance" (unawareness) as a major marital and family hazard now make more sense to you?





      Pause and reflect - what are you aware of now? For perspective -  since 1981, I've met very few people who could answer most of these questions accurately. Option: think of the adults you know best - do you think they could answer most of these quiz items? Would they be interested in trying to do so? If not, they're at risk of the toxic effects of incomplete grief.

      The good news: with your wise, resident true Self guiding you and patient study and reflection, you can learn the answers to all of these quiz items and enhance your ability to do good grief. Doing this is vital for high family nurturance, personal health, and healthy relationship bonding! 

      Is there someone else you'd like to discuss this quiz and related info with? If so, is anything in the way of your doing so now?

Continue studying this vital course!

      Pause, breathe, and recall why you took this quiz on healthy-grief basics. Did you get what you needed? If not - what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise, resident true Self, or ''someone else''?

 This quiz was very helpful  somewhat helpful  not helpful   

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