A Quick Test For
False-self wound Symptoms

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        This is one of a series of articles on Lesson 1 of 8 in this Web site - (a) free your true Self to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and (b) reduce significant false-self wounds. This is one of 12 checklists in this non-profit site which are designed to help people assess for false-self dominance and related psychological wounds. The worksheets are based on the idea that groups vary in their ability to fill members' primary needs (i.e. to nurture them).

        The worksheet compares typical behavioral traits of members of low-nurturance and high-nurturance social groups like families, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods, and church communities. The work-sheet assumes you're familiar with...

the intro to this site, and the premises it's based on self-study Lesson 1 here an introduction to your personality a comparison of typical true Self and false self behaviors, and... this overview of assessing for false-self wounds

  Premises

        See how you feel about these opinions - A = "I agree," "D = "I disagree,", and ? = "I'm not sure."  If you're not sure, follow the links for more perspective.

• Families have existed in every age and culture because they fill a set if primal psychological, physical, and spiritual needs better than other human groups. Filling needs (reducing discomforts) is called nurturance. Some families are better at nurturing their members than others.  (A  D  ?)

• Many adults and older kids are significantly-wounded survivors of too little early-childhood nurtur-ance. A false self develops naturally when a child or young adult doesn't get their physical, emo-tional, and developmental needs met consistently enough. (A  D  ?)

• Unless wounded co-parents dissolve their protective denials and commit to meaningful personal heling, they risk (a) unintentionally depriving their dependent kids of essential nurturance, and (b)  passing on significant psychological wounds as their caregivers and ancestors did. (A  D  ?)

• Typical kids who get too little nurturance will display (a) some of the group-related behaviors in the table below, and (b) some of these typical behaviors of wounded individuals.  (A  D  ?)

• Concerned adults often see these behaviors as signs that "something's wrong" with the child, ra-ther than with the child's primary caregivers. Where this is true, changes pushed on the child [medication, harsh discipline, withholding prized things (or threatening to), grounding, shaming, "giving up," etc.] will probably increase the "problem behaviors."  (A  D  ?)

• A quick test for any group's nurturance level ("functionality") is to judge on a continuum (low > moderate > high) the average primary emotions most members usually feel in a group after they adjust to it. Many variables affects the validity of this premise, so this checklist is a rough indicator of group-leader and group-member wholistic health. It is not proof.

 Worksheet Directions

Choose a comfortable setting, and block off at least 30" of undistracted, clear-minded time;

Check to see if your true Self is guiding your other subselves now. If not, your worksheet results are apt to be skewed. For ideas about freeing your true Self, see Lesson 1.

Focus on (a) a present or past child or adult (including you), and on (b) a group s/he actively participated in regularly - e.g. a home, family, school, church, committee, club, team, or work-place.

Then check the emotions or attitudes you feel the person usually experience/d as they participate/d. This is about discovery and recovery, not about blaming anyone!

       The more "high nurturance" traits your subject often displays relative to their family or other target group, the more likely it is that the group leader/s is/are wholistically-healthy Grown Nurtured Children (GNCs). 

        Conversely, the more "low nurturance" traits your target person displays or feels relative to their group, the more likely it is they're being unintentionally deprived from filling important core needs there and/or in one or more other important current groups, like their family, school, team, church, club, and/or social set.

        From clinical experience since 1981, this site proposes one of five reasons that millions of typical U.S. marriages and families are significantly stressed and troubled is that one or more adults (a) suffer significant psychological wounds, and (b) don't (want to) know that or what it means.

        Self-study Lesson 1 here is designed to help detect these wounds and offer an effective framework for self-motivated personal healing - "parts work," or inner-family therapy. Assessing for significant wounds is a keystone couples need to work at to make wise commitment choices for themselves and their descendents.

Recap

        This is one of a dozen worksheets to help you assess yourself or someone else for significant psy-chological wounds. This worksheet contrasts typical behaviors from members in high-nurturance and low-nurturance (wounded) families and other groups. Do all the worksheets before drawing a conclusion.

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        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or someone else?

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Updated August 31, 2010