LESSON ONE Study Guide

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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

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        This brief YouTube clip by the author will introduce you to Lesson 1:

        This article will guide you through the first of seven self-improvement lessons. They exist to help protect you and your family from inheriting toxic psychological wounds and unawareness. This guide assumes you have read...

• the introduction to this nonprofit, ad-free site and the premises underlying it;

• the overview of the [wounds + unawareness] cycle,  and...

• the course outline. 

Why Study This Lesson?

        At least 80% of over 1,000 typical American adults I've met as a family-systems therapist and educator have shown clear symptoms of psychological wounds from early-childhood trauma . They also appeared to be largely unaware of these vital topics. Until recognized and reduced, such wounds + ignorance...

• relentlessly degrades wholistic health, relationships, effective communication and parenting, and healthy mourning - i.e. they significantly lower the nurturance level (functionality) of most families and organizations.

        And inherited wounds and unawareness...

• promote widespread inner pain and addictions, obesity, homelessness, crime, depression, abortions, divorce, "mental illness," dropouts, gangs, fanaticism, bankruptcies, suicide, and other major personal and social problems.

        Psychological wounds and ignorance seem to be pandemic. They silently pass down our generations because of public unawareness and denial, spreading and weakening our societies. As I write this (December,2011), the months of recent intense media coverage of 2012 U.S. presidential contenders has never mentioned this destructive cycle as a serious national problem.

        This Web site calls adult survivors of childhood trauma Grown Wounded Children or GWCs. Lay literature calls us Adult Children (of toxic parents or family dysfunction). If your reaction is "Well I'M not a GWC!" note that denial (reality distortion) is a common psychological wound.

        In this lesson you'll learn whether you're a GWC - and if you are, you'll learn what that means and what you can do about it. Study this lesson even if you're already in some form of personal healing.

        The guidebook for Lesson 1 is "Who's Really Running Your Life? Free Your true Self and Guard Your Kids" (4th edition, Xlibris.com). It provides the same information as these Web pages, and is available in print and e-book formats. If you have an earlier edition of this book, see this note.

If you're an auditory or visual learner, see these Lesson-1 videos on psychological wounds and working with your personality subselves ("parts work"). They take about 7 hours to view. Many articles in Lesson 1 begin with one of these brief videos by the author of this course.

Lesson-1 Self-study Guide

         Here are 44 "assignments" comprising Lesson 1. Take your time, and do them in order. View this as a high-return investment of your time and energy, and use this guide as a checklist to track your progress! Option - keep a log or journal of your experience as you do these assignments. Also consider finding one or more study partners, and do this Lesson together.

        Lesson 1 has four modules:

• Foundations - learn about childhood trauma, personality subselves, and Grown Wounded Children (GWCs),

• Assess yourself for psychological wounds;

• Use ''parts work'' to free your true Self, reorganize your personality, and reduce (vs. heal) any wounds; and...

• Learn how to spot and relate to wounded adults and kids.

Module 1 - Learn about Trauma, Personalities, and Wounds

        When you're undistracted, read these articles in order with an open mind. Option - journal about your reactions to the articles to create a personal wound-recovery resource.

Foundations - Childhood Trauma

__ 1-1)  Compare the premises underlying this nonprofit Web site with your beliefs.

__ 1-2)  Perspective on high-nurturance (functional) families. Were you raised in one?

__ 1-3)  Review the developmental needs of average young children

__ 1-4)  Preview this perspective on effective parenting (Lesson 6)

__ 1-5)  Read about parental _ abandonment, _ neglect, and _ abuse.

__ 1-6)  Watch this brief YouTube clip on "Were You Traumatized as a Child"? 

__ 1-7)  Review these brief research reprints on...

__  parental ignorance and self-neglect.

__  children from "risky families"

__  mental illness often begins in childhood

__  the roots of empathy

__  why do the mentally ill die younger?

__ 1-8)  Scan these verbatim Web posts by typical traumatized young people

__ 1-9)  Learn what it may mean if you feel your childhood was "average" or "normal."

        Now learn about the common effects of early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma), starting with personality fragmenting:

About Personalities

__ 1-10)  Compare these ideas on human personalities to your ideas.

__ 1-11)  Learn about normal personality subselves - your inner family.

__ 1-12)  Read these Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) about personality subselves.

__ 1-13)  Consider this concept of a "false self." Are you controlled by one?

__ 1-14)  If you're skeptical about subselves, read this memo to you.

__ 1-15)  Try this safe, interesting exercise: "interview" one of your subselves.

About Psychological Wounds

__ 1-16)  What's a Grown Wounded Child (GWC)?

__ 1-17)  Learn more detail about psychological wounds

__ 1-18)  Learn what It means to be a GWC.

__ 1-19)  Learn how [psychological wounds + unawareness] are passed down the generations and what that causes. .

__ 1-20)  Read these examples of actual Grown Wounded Children (GWCs)

__ 1-21)  Study this example of a real stepfamily affected by psychological wounds and unawareness.

__ 1-22) Check your new knowledge about wounds and personalities with this quiz

        If you have questions or comments on these ideas, please contact me.

        This basic education will prepare you to assess yourself for significant psychological wounds and reduce them. That will promote more satisfying communications, relationships, grieving, and wholistic health.
 

Lesson 1, Module 2 - Assess Yourself for Psychological Wounds

        Premise - Low-nurturance families and psychological wounds are widespread in our culture. The wounds range from mild to severe. Most Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) are unaware of their wounds because of denial and social ignorance (lack of knowledge). Implication - you and people you care about may be living with disabled true Selves and enduring preventable stress without knowing it.

__ 1-23)  Follow these guidelines on wound-assessment.

__ 1-24)  Follow these suggestions for scoring your wound-assessment worksheets.

__ 1-25)  If you have questions on wounds or wound-assessment, check this Q&A or ask me.

__ 1-26)  Take this true/false status check, when you're undistracted and your true Self guides you. Here "?" means "I'm not sure."

_  I can name all six psychological wounds and _ their six common impacts.  (T  F  ?)

_  I can describe how to tell if psychological wounds are "significant."  (T  F  ?)

_  I can define "denial" and "minimizing" to an average young teen.  (T  F  ?)

_  I took my time to complete all the assessment checklists honestly.  (T  F  ?)

_  I know how to tell when my true Self is guiding me or someone else.  (T  F  ?)

_  I followed the suggestions in "scoring" the worksheets (1-24 above).  (T  F  ?)

_  I have significant psychological wounds that I want to reduce.  (T  F  ?)

        If you feel you do have significant psychological wounds, continue with Module 3 below. If you're not sure, ask someone you trust to be objective (like a counselor) to review this module and give you an opinion. If you feel your wounds aren't significant (by your standards), skip to Module 4. Even if you're minimally wounded, you can still benefit from Lessons 2 thru 6 or 7. .
 

Lesson 1, Module 3 - Free Your true Self and Reduce Your Wounds

        One key to protecting your family and descendents from major stress is to admit and reduce significant psychological wounds. The other key is to convert unawareness and ignorance into knowledge. That's why this self-improvement course exists. If you feel you're significantly wounded (controlled by a false self), this module will guide you through an effective wound-reduction ("recovery") process.

__ 1-25)  Study this overview of how to reduce psychological wounds.

__ 1-26)  Experience this video on what to expect as you reduce your wounds;

__ 1-27)  Study this perspective on hitting "true bottom." If you haven't clearly hit yours, view this work as a valuable learning experience (a trial recovery), and go ahead.

__ 1-28)  Read this 6-page guide to "parts work" (inner family therapy). This is one effective way to reduce your wounds over time. Other clinicians propose different ways to help you recover from toxic parents and childhood trauma. My experience as a veteran (recovering) therapist is that other recovery methods are apt to be superficial and take longer. Exceptions are Voice Dialog, Psychosynthesis, and Eye-Movement De-sensitization and Retraining (EMDR). Christians may find Theophostic Ministries helpful.

__ 1-29)  Consider shopping for a qualified parts-work therapist in your area. See selfleadership.org for leads and helpful resources. I'm a 1992 graduate of their training program.

__ 1-30)  Meditate on this update of the well-known 12 Steps and consider living by your version of it.

__ 1-31)  Decide if you want to tell key people what you're doing, and why. Expect others to not know about subselves and/or to be skeptical of parts work. If they are, refer them to http://sfhelp.org/fam/cycle.htm without preaching.

      If you can find someone else interested in or already doing parts-work, consider teaming up with them. Know that some subselves pretend to want to recover, but aren't really committed. They're not "bad," they're scared, and need patient reassurance.

__ 1-32)  Evolve a list of your subselves, and group them (tentatively) as Managers, Inner Kids, and Guardians. Follow the guidelines in this article

__ 1-33)  Prepare to identify your "inner family" of subselves by inventorying your personal human assets.

__ 1-34)  Start with most active subselves who you feel don't know or trust your true Self (capital "S"). Interview them one at a time, and (a) confirm their distrust, and (b) start negotiating to build trust. Use the parts-work steps and techniques outlined here.- ideally with the help of a trained inner-family systems therapist.

__ 1-35)  Patiently repeat this process with each Inner Child and protective Guardian subself who causes your wounds. Keep in mind there are no "bad" subselves. They all mean to help, but often retain outdated or distorted information from your early life.

__ 1-36)  Practice asking yourself "Who's in charge: my Self (capital 'S') or someone else? You're "done" with this wound-reduction process when you usually answer "My Self."

__ 1-37)  As you progress at these steps, periodically reread this overview of wound-reduction and/or the Lesson-1 guidebook "Who's Really Running Your Life?"

__ 1-38)  Review your options for improving your _ self-respect, _ self love, and _ self confidence. These increase as you free your true Self and reduce the wounds of excessive shame and treality distortion.

__ 1-39)  Review these titles about "Adult Children" (Grown Wounded Children) to see other viewpoints.
 

Lesson 1, Module 4 - Learn how to spot and relate to wounded people

        As you experience wound-reduction benefits, you'll become more aware of others who are wounded and don't realize they're ruled by a false self. Common responses are to pity, judge, and/or rescue them. This is specially true for wounded mates, friends, and respected (and vexing) relatives.

__ 1-40)  Use this behavioral comparison to recognize people ruled by a false self. For a more detailed tool, use this.

__ 1-41)  Periodically refresh your understanding of Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) and what it means to be a GWC in denial.

__ 1-42)  Tailor these relationship options to fit your style and situation with wounded kids and adults; and...

__ 1-43)  Edit and add these communication options to fit your situation.

__ 1-44)  Tell receptive others about the [wounds + unawareness] cycle, what you're learning here, and any benefits you're experiencing.

+ + +

As you progress with these assignments, notice any shifts in your attitudes, reactions, and behaviors that feel "significant." Be alert for others' comments on such changes. I suggest you also progress at Lesson 2 - improve your communication effectiveness. These two Lessons use and amplify each other.

        Stay aware that you may complete these assignments, but learning from them has no end. As you gain knowledge and awareness and free your true Self to guide you, your version of these ideas will become a way of life.

Recap

        This is the first of seven self-improvement study guides in the nonprofit Break the Cycle! Web site. This guide outlines 44 practical steps to help free your wise true Self and reduce significant psychological wounds. The steps are in four groups:

• Learn about personality subselves and Grown Wounded Children (GWCs);

• Assess yourself for psychological wounds;

• Evolve and act on an effective plan to free your true Self and reduce your wounds; and...

• Learn how to spot and react to other wounded people

        Benefits from the other six Lessons in this self-improvement Web site all depend on progress with this one.

Feedback please - take this 1-question anonymous poll.

        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or someone else?

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Updated December 31, 2011