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Can you clearly define pride to an average pre-teen? Have you been taught that pride is a personal asset, or a "deadly sin" and shameful trait? Can you say how personal pride relates to (a) self-respect, (b) self-love, (c) egotism, and (d) shame ("low self esteem")? Premises: personal pride is feeling the same admiration, approval, and respect for yourself and your achievements as you do for any other respected adult or child. Humility is feeling as worthy as all other people, vs. superior or inferior to them in some way. Many shame-based survivors of childhood neglect and trauma be-lieve they should avoid personal pride, don't "deserve it," or are "egotisti-cal and selfish" and/or "sinners" if they feel and express it. They also may have been taught to scorn or pity others who show or express merited personal pride (vs. egotism). Premise: feeling and expressing genuine pride in your personal ta-lents and achievements is healthy if it's balanced with genuine humility and mutual respect for all other people. Learning to accept this idea with-out anxiety, "false modesty," or significant guilt is a vital part of reducing the crippling psychological wound of excessive shame. Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site focuses on identifying and reducing this wound and five others, using inner-family therapy. |
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