Continued from p. 1...
This page proposes
action options if you feel...
-
someone's spiritual beliefs are "too
unhealthy," and/or that...
-
the nurturance-level of your church or religious
community is "too low."
If you don't feel either of these, skip to
the recap.
Options if Your Beliefs are
Toxic
Every belief is held by one or more
personality subselves, including your resident Self. Spiritual and other core beliefs are
usually learned in early childhood, and probably have never been objectively
vali-dated.
These primal convictions are often held by one or more
who may be
living in the past. If so, part of permanently shifting their spiritual
and/or religious beliefs requires inviting them to
live safely in the present.
Your subselves need to have
an unshakable personal faith in a benign, responsive Higher Power before
they will consider wanting to (vs. having to) change their core spiritual and religious beliefs. Such faith usually
follows hitting some kind of true personal
and can
not be
demanded, willed, required for social acceptance, or persuaded by
"logic" or threats.
You can patiently change your subselves'
unhealthy or harmful beliefs, roles, and priorities over time by...
-
accepting the reality of your
personality subselves,
-
identifying what belief you want to update
from toxic to nourishing;
-
identifying the subself (or subselves) holding this belief,
-
respectfully building their trust
in your true Self and other Manager subselves and in a benign (vs.
"wrathful"),
caring, responsive Higher Power,
-
identifying any
that will
oppose healthy changes in that subself's beliefs, and...
-
patiently working to reduce their fears,
and grow their trusts and sense of inner-family teamwork and
cooperation for your long-term benefit.
This may take months or years, and often depends
on your age, history and childhood training, the
nurturance-level of your current family, whether you've hit true (vs.
pseudo) personal
yet, and who opposes
your adopting new beliefs, if anyone - e.g. an atheistic or rigid (wounded, unaware)
partner, par-ent, sibling, and/or grandparent.
As
you know,
spiritual (vs. religious) faith is not responsive to "common sense,"
"reason," and/or "logical thinking." Global testimony from millions of
successfully-recovering addicts consistently affirms that unshakable faith
in a benign responsive, caring Higher Power is essential for lasting control (vs. cure) of toxic
compulsions. So is living from the
This faith is also
essential for true (vs. pseu-do)
from
psychological wounds.
Permanently reducing or changing an
unhealthy or harmful belief [including "My health isn't impor-tant," or
"I can take it for granted"
usually requires
working patiently with one or more inner children and each child's Guardians,
one at a time. This is why mental resolutions like New Years' vows often don't produce
changes.
Changing toxic beliefs is part of a
higher-priority process: reducing false-self dominance and wounds, and
your true Self to
your talented
inner family of subselves.
Relax, stretch, breathe, and reflect: do these wound-reducing and
belief-changing steps make sense to you? Trying the steps should add
experiential validity to them. If not, suspect that one or more frightened,
distrustful subselves are
your wish to change. self-improvement
illustrates how to do these steps.
We
just surveyed some practical options you can take if you feel some of your
spiritual or religious beliefs are too unhealthy. Now let's shift our focus
to another important possibility:
What if Another Person's Beliefs are "Too Toxic"?
If
someone acts
on spiritual or religious beliefs that harm themselves and/or others -
specially vulnerable minor kids - it probably means:
-
S/He is probably unaware of, or is
that s/he is
ruled by a false-self to some extent.
-
You may be a
(GWC) in denial also. This is specially likely if the
other person is your parent, or grandparent, or current or former mate.
-
If the person with toxic beliefs is
influencing one or more dependent kids, they're probably in a
and the children are
unaware of growing their own psychological wounds.
You may caringly
this person about (a) their psychological wounds and/or their (b) toxic
religious or spiritual beliefs and behaviors now, later, or never. If
they're influencing minor kids now, or may in the future, I propose that you
have a moral responsibility to
and to the kids and their descendents to confront their wounded
caregiver/s.
Confront means
to inform them factually of psychological wounds and
their
not blame, scorn,
lecture, threaten, or label them as bad, damaged, stupid, or inferior! It also means
(a) keep your respec-tive
rights, and
clear, and (b) use the
to avoid taking
responsibility for breaking their protective denials and healing their wounds
If the person is a
lay church official or professional clergyperson, ask them to study
this article on the wounds +
unawareness] cycle. Then read and discuss this article, and these several
pages on avoiding or reducing the toxic
effects
of
the [wounds + unawareness] cycle in their family and community. Then ask their reactions
without judgment.
Again, avoid feeling you have to rescue or save
this person or "show them the light." Put your
first, and make
your best respectful effort to alert her or him to subselves,
wounds, and toxic beliefs. Then turn the outcome over to your Higher Power
and attend your own recovery and family. For more per-spective, see this
article on resolving significant family conflicts over
"religion."
Notice with interest what your subselves are "saying" now...
Finally, let's look at...
Options if Your Church and/or Religious Community is "Too Toxic"
Recall - a "toxic" church or group promotes beliefs and behaviors that are
psychologically, spiritu-ally, or physically dangerous or damaging to their
members and/or society. "Dangerous or damaging" means "promoting excessive shame, guilts, anxieties,
toxic beliefs,
illness or injury, and
over-depen-dence on others' judgments and beliefs - including
scriptures and church rules - rather than healthy self-reliance.
First ask
"Why am I participating in this community or church if I believe their
policies and practices are too toxic? What would I lose - and gain - if I
reduce or end my affiliation with this group?" Note that
typical people recovering from false self wounds eventually admit and choose to
reduce or end toxic rela-tionships. This is specially likely if minor
kids are being harmed in/directly by the relationship.
So if you're a
person whose family attends
a significantly-toxic community or church, the question becomes "What would
each of us lose and gain - short and long term - by reducing or ending our affilia-tion with this
group?"
Another option is whether or not to confront key members of the church or
community about what you're reading in this article and non-profit Web site.
If some or many of the people in the organization are significantly wounded
and seem to be ruled by a false self, what does your conscience suggest
about your moral obligation to try to empathically and respectfully inform
them?
Whatever you decide,
note that typical wounded
people will deny - often fiercely - that they're domi-nated by a false self.
Premise - the core issue is preserving
your
not "saving" anyone from the toxic effects of the [wounds +
unawareness]
You have
many options about
how to inform some or
all community members, and what to inform them of. For an overview of
your options, read this series of articles
on reducing or preventing the [wounds + unawareness] cycle. The
same options apply if you want to alert religious denomination
officials to the ideas in this article and Web site.
Recap
Premises - all people evolve conscious or unconscious spiritual
beliefs. Your personal wholistic health and your family's nurturance
level are significantly affected by the health or toxicity of your religious
and/or spiritual beliefs and practices. This
article opens with perspective on spirituality, religion, beliefs, and
faith.
It proposes that some religious and spiritual beliefs and organizations
promote personal, family, and social health and harmony, and others diminish
them. The article offers criteria with which to judge these, and invites you
to evaluate your and your family's key beliefs, and those of your church or religious community and
any related denomination.
The article closes with suggestions if your beliefs or church seem "too
toxic," and/or someone else's seem "too unhealthy."
+ + +
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get
what you needed? If not, what
you need? Who's
these questions - your
or
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