Lesson 6 of 7  - Learn how to parent effectively

Online Questions From
 Real, Wounded Teens

They speak for millions of their peers

Collected by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

The Web address of this article is https://sfhelp.org/parent/questions.htm

Updated  04-10-2015

      Clicking underlined links here will open a new window. Other links will open  an informational popup, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If your playback device doesn't support Javascript, the popups may not display. Follow underlined links after finishing this article to avoid getting lost.

      This YouTube video provides perspective on the teen questions you'll read here: The video mentions eight self-improvement lessons in this Web site. I've reduced that to seven.

      It's one thing to read theories about the effects of family dysfunction. It's far more poignant to read comments from real kids who aren't getting the nurturing they need because their parents have inherited lethal [wounds + unawareness] and are unable to nurture them effectively.

      This article reprints selected comments from real teens and young adults who are suffering from parental neglect, abandonment, and abuse (trauma). They have not had major developmental needs met well enough by their adults. Their comments were taken verbatim from the online "Questions and Answers" part of Yahoo.com. They are representative of hundreds of similar questions.

      These average kids are desperately seeking to answer family questions they cannot articulate. If they had empathic, knowledgeable adult help, they wouldn't need to use the Web to vent and plead for help. If their parents had been taught this  information, these kids would not be writing these questions. Without informed adult help, these kids are becoming Grown Wounded Children (GWCs)

      As you read these posts, notice your thoughts and feelings. How would you respond to these questions? I've edited the format for clarity, and added selected highlites and links. - Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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    I'm 15. For about 3 years my life has been going down hill. My mom was only 20 when I was born and my parents never married. I lived with my mom until I was 12. My life was fine. Then my mom got a boyfriend. He was nice and he would always talk to me.

    After 8 months of them dating they got engaged. When I found out I wasn't ecstatic about it. Once they got engaged he completely turned on me. He would never talk to me or do anything he used to. I felt like I did something wrong.

    Their (sic) married now and had a baby 4 months ago. Don't get me wrong.. I'm crazy about my little brother...but now it's like my mom has turned against me now. Neither of them ever talk to me. It's only when my stepdad is not in the room...that's when I talk to my mom, but she never talks to me.

    I'm the one who always needs to start the conversation. Even when my stepdad is collecting me from school there is complete silence in the car. My mom asked me one day why I never speak to him. I said "because he never speaks to me." Her answer to that was "he doesn't know what to say to you. He thinks your a cranky teenager". If I do say something ... he ignores me, and that's why I don't speak to him.

    Another thing was a few months ago we had family round for dinner. We were in the kitchen and there were at least 10 others in there too. I was walking to my seat and hit my toe off the side of the table and it really hurt. I looked up at him and he rolled his eye's to heaven.

    About a half hour ago I had to clean my birds cage out. I was looking for a plastic bag so I could put the paper into. I couldn't find a bag so I called my mom and asked did we have any plastic bags. I had the drawer that we usually keep the bags in open and my hand was in the drawer. She stormed in and slammed the drawer. I took my hand out just on time before it slammed on my fingers.

    I understand there is a new baby in the house but I feel totally rejected and a waste of space. Sometimes I even think I'm just a mistake. The message I get from my step-dad is that It's my fault I'm alive. I don't think I'm jealous of my brother because I'm al-ways playing with him and kissing him but I feel like my family and my stepdad's family have just completely forgotten I exist. (Note - This rejection is how the psychological wound of excessive shame begins - ed.)

    Even though its -10 outside I'm at the point of running away. The only people who I feel important to are my grandparents. Since I was 10 me and my mom lived with them. I feel that their (sic) the only people who love me. I cant remember the last time my mom said she loved me...but she always saying it to my brother. I don't want to be jealous but I tell my brother I love him all the time. When I'm playing with him my step-dad always gives me a horrible look and all I see in his face is "Get away from him."

    I know that when my grandparents are gone I'm going to be on my own. While I'm writing this I'm crying because the thought of my grandparents not being here anymore kills me. Every day I'm in my room just crying my eyes out except when I'm with my grandparents.

    What advice would you give me to get through this. Please help??

Note that this question never mentions the girl's biological father He has apparently abandoned his child.

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    My dad is a boss at work and when he comes home, he thinks he is the boss of the house. He is always bossing us around, yelling at us like we're criminals and freaking out about every little thing. Sometimes he treats his workers better than he treats us.

    One time he admitted problem in his behavior but he never did anything about it. Same old angry, aggressive, rude dad. One time he yelled at my mom so loudly in a grocery store and made her cry. He thought his behavior was normal.

    Me and my siblings tried to get him to apologize but he didn't. When guests come over, he yells at us in front of the guests. It's so embarrassing. My mom says "you're dad is just like that, deal with it". What to do?

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      I just met my dad, he's evil, I feel lost, help, what do I do? thought he meant alot to me but I dont to him? He's evil, crazy. He hurts me emotionally, mentally. I feel so lost at times, scared. But I don't want therapy. I just want to be free of this awful misery. (Implication - this child's mother is absent, and/or offers no protection from 'this misery'" - pkg)

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       I feel like giving up on my family..no other option...I am 23.

1. what if your brother treats you like a servant just because he paid for the first year of your  college fees? He sends u to the post office to pay his monthly bills and banks to deposit money etc on a bus all the time etc. Leave no food for u at home and go out for parties without telling when u return from college?

2. and his wife moans about you not doing chores and cooking when u go to college monday to friday (full time) and work sat and sun for 20 hours? u cant watch tv cos they never leave it even if they have a spare switched off in their room?

3. When you tell ur mother she says she feels bad about it but nothing she can do.

4. I lost my father 12 years ago. brother called me abroad to finish college. Mother, brother and his wife treat me like a servant. Now that he has done a favour for getting me started here.. I have to do him and his wife's dishes and cooking all my life. cos I dont make much money to pay the rent.

I can only work 20 hours which I am already. He tells mom I spend money on shopping thats why I dont have money to pay him rent and bills. I am not allowed to go any-where after college cos I should be home cooking and cleaning for them. How cool is that?

My mother is also not helping. she wants me to give her some money every month as well. How will I pay the fees and live then? she even doesn't talk to my brother about all this.

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    I really hate my brother, like a lot!?

    I have a deep hate for my brother, his 14, I'm 17, I rarely talk to him, but he lives with me, he makes me never want to have a kid, if I was pregnant and I found out it was a boy, I'd abort it just incase its like him. he makes me want to go lesbian.

    You don't understand how annoying he is, he has adhd and is homosexual, he walks around saying weird things and making weird noises all day...
my cousins hate him, and give him dirty looks any time his around, no one likes him!

    when I look at him, even if his not doing anything I feel aggravated, I just can't stand him, I can't look at him, anything he does annoys me!

    how can I sort this out? he makes me miserable. he was away with my mom for 3 days, and I had the time of my life, no migraines from his voice, the house was actually quite for two minutes... now his back his already got his tv blasting, talking to his self really loud! his SO weird!

What can I do :'(

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I think I have some serious problem? Or was I born to be a **** up?

    Hi everyone I dont know where to begin, its like since a while something is just not going right. I am thinking too much. I feel like there is a conspiracy going on all the time around me to make fun of me. I dont hang out much but when I do and I smoke weed then I feel like people are trying to humiliate me. I have made some new friends but again it feels like they are here because these people are connected to my past and are here to bring out the things that I am embrrased to tell anyone.

    I dont know but I cant seem to trust any1 feels like even my bro n sis are conspiring against me. I have hd a real rough past and lost many people I loved the unnatural way like my parents were shot dead in a fight. and a lot more. Now whenever I am with people chilling and smoking weed I feel like they r gonna pull a prank on me or abuse me physically like steal my belongings or hurt me or **** me or god knows anything I am afraid of.

    I just dent know how to overcome this fears. have a lots of stress going on in my mind financially. I am about to be 22. n its like things I planned as aways are just not seeming to be working out. I was an intelligent student and very ambitious. used to top in my class always but now I cant even think straight. I am afraid even if I get a scratch that it might turn into some infection. Afraid that I might get raped or rape someone sometimes.

    I am confused and cant make decisions. give real hard times to people who are attached to me emotionally. I dnt feel certain how to react to things and hence leave them and keep hiding from them. even when I hear a song I literally feel related to the lyrics. when I watch movies I am thinking of it as real events happening in my life. There is not 1 thing right in my life.

    I feel as if I need a miracle to get health and money in an instant but I know neither of them are ever happening so what to do now? Can anybody tell me what exactly is wrong with me? and now I am feeling like some of you might trace this thread to me and make fun of me for being a looser and posting this question :'(

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How do I get away from a suicidal person without him killing himself?

    The guns are in the closet. He said he'd shoot himself immediately if I got in a car wreck and he could have prevented it. He had several suicide attempts in the past (within 5 -10 years) and received a few years of therapy to get it under control. He bangs his head hard on the wall multiple times when he's very angry at himself (I've seen it 2 - 3 times). He hits the wall hard and several times as an alternative to his head at times and broke his hand once and damaged it so it was swollen and in pain for weeks later the last time (I saw it the last time).

    He has ''attachmen'' issues,  that I don't know he realizes he has. He feels deeply depressed when he doesn't have a girlfriend and gets angry at his friends if they have one. He made future plans with one girl that I know of after one date. He bought an engagement ring for me 2 months after meeting and hardly knowing one another. He asked me to move in with him shortly after. He made me feel guilty for not accepting the ring right away or not moving in with him fast enough with statements like "I should have never bought the ring. What a fool, what a failure I am!" and "If you really loved/cared about me you'd move in with me."

Upon my counselor's advise, I accepted the ring and moved in with him a year ago. What a fool I was to listen to the counselor (although she didn't know about his emotional problems since I didn't), accept the ring and move in with him.

Bottom line --- He has moderate-severe psychological problems - namely moderate-severe depression, anger and suicidal issues. I have severe anxiety and it's a disability. How can I safely LEAVE him knowing that we our individual problems are that bad that we can not deal with or talk to one another, WITHOUT him impulsively reacting by killing himself?

I can NOT afford a hospital for himself or myself, no insurance. My family lives far away in PA. We are in CO now. His family lives nearby.

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How do I get myself out of this situation and what is going on with me?

    Just smashed up my little sisters ornaments she collects and broke my brothers bookcase, all because they were winding me up. I'm 16 and they're 8 and 9. I don't understand why I did it but I did.

     I locked my self in my room and my mum was bashing at the door calling me a monster and a freak and other verbal abuse. I have OCD and dyspraxia and am going through the process of referral to a psychiatrist (which could take months) and seeing a counsellor who I'm seeing tomorrow. At the moment I can't see myself getting through the night...

    Any help? Thanks.

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I'm depressed and feel worthless?

    Well, today made me feel horrible. There's this guy at school I like, and I told my friends, and they went ask him if he liked me (I didn't even ask them to) and he said "Hell no." and made a face and he looked grossed out.

    Away from all that, I hate myself. I hate my hair, my face, my body, pretty much everything. And i'm not some blonde skinny ***** that hates herself for no reason. No, i'm 160 pounds, and guys pay me absolutely no attention. I wouldn't care if I didn't even have to go to that school, but people always commenting on how fat, gothic, ugly, weird, etc... But they focus so much on looks at my school its hard not to.

    I've starved myself for about a week a month ago. I can't take it any more, its really hard when every other girl at my school is about 100 pounds.

    It gets so annoying. I'm either depressed or bipolar, so it just makes that worse. I have no clue what to do. How would I persuade my mom to home school me? PLEASE help me and don't judge.

I've even thought of suicide, so its serious.

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Am I a failure? Negativity issues? ?

    Currently, my grades are crap. I want to get them up, but my negativity plummets them down. I have no special talents, except for writing. I could write a fantastic chapter in a matter of an hour, with the craziest plot... But I'm just giving up on school lately. I'm 16, and priorities are huge right now... But I can't help to cry because I feel like I'm going to turn out into this huge failure and that my life wont be as successful as I want it to be.

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Please help, I'm extremely depressed about home life and want to be taking away. (Please read)?

    I'm being mentally abused by my mother. It's been like this for the past year (Really my whole life, but it's gotten to a point I want to kill myself. The only reason why I haven't yet is because I'm afraid of death, although if I told you my story you would be surprised why I haven't yet.)

    I had/have a horrible life. I don't go to school, I have no education and not one friend in the world, not one. Not even family because my mother fought with them so badly that they don't even want anything to do with me anymore.

    I can't even begin to tell you how she treats me. It would take ages to read everything. that's how bad it is. But I do need help. I'm going to see a therapist tomorrow and I want to tell her I want to leave her and ask for her help.

    But the problem is, is that I'm 17 (18 in March) and I'm afraid I'll be thrown out on the streets when I'm 18 and have no where to go. I also don't want to leave the few things I own behind, things I hold dear. Those are the only two reason why I put up with her. (She has serious mental problems. I'm talking paranoid schizophrenia, Bi-bolar disorder and anger management issues but doesn't do anything about it. She thinks she's totally normal, but she really F'd me up in every way imaginable.

    I want to call the police to be taking away or at least be put in a mental institution. (Although I don't believe there's anything wrong with me, but I would like to be in a place that people care and want to listen to me.)

    What should I do?

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I don't want to live with my life anymore...?

    for one I can't think of a good reason why I should even continue with my life when I'm a failure! I DONT WANT TO LIVE aNYMORE! I'm always sufferin.. I don't want to live anymore, I don't see why live and continue doing what I'm not interested in... I can't talk to nobody, not my mom or anyone!.. everything I feel like my life is spiraling down and whats the point.. I don't know what to do Anymore.,.

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im on the verge of commiting a school shooting, how can I stop myself?

    For the past year and 6 months I have suffered from depression. I have isolated myself from the world. I havent gone to a professional and been diagnosed but I am showing almost every symptom of depression and every depression test I could find has said that I have depression. For the past 6 months I thought it was minor but in the past 2 months I have began to release how severe it is. 5 months ago I started thinking about commiting a school shooting. previously I had thought about suicide and running away as well. The shooting idea was at the back of my mind until last month when it resurfaced. This time it started to become all in could think about. I spent hours just thinking and plotting. I researched countless shootings and analysed how they went down. In school all I did was just think and plan.

    I found a website in which a person had done a study of 22 shootings and created a common profile of the shooters. A recipe of what goes in to creating a shooter. I compared my symptoms and myself to the profile and I matched almost every similarity these shooters had.

#1. Depression present with action equivalents- mixed personality disorder with paranoid, antisocial and narcissistic features.

a) Narcissistic: I never thought about this feature or realized that I had any narcissistic features in development until recently. Ill explain why later but because of the stuff thats recently happened (Read the whole question) I feel like im special and like god has given me special powers.

Antisocial: I think I may have social anxiety. I dont talk to people but its almost as if ive forgotten how to talk to people. I just stand there awkwardly. I think this was first trigerred be my self esteem issues.

Paranoid: Im showing signs.

#2. I am a kid who is somewhere near the bottom of the social ladder. Popular people are nice to me but I dont communicate back.

#3. Gender identity and sexuality: I am an effeminite person. I wear light make up, when I was younger I wanted to wear nail polish and other stuff. I think my dad is homophobic and he was mad when I painted my nails when I was 5. I think I may be developing bisexual traits but im not sure. many shooters were in a way effeminite but were masaginysts. I understand why this is. Also, I dont do well in sports sometimes like some of the people in my class and in some respcts dont fit the male profile. manly, tough and brave.

    Im gonna skip the rest of the steps but if you would like to see the website its in added details

    Anyway. For the past month ive been noticing some stuff. I had a facebook converstaion with this girl in my class. At that time I didnt really know her. She really seemed to care and that converstaion made me feel better. A few days latr I had this daydream of her or one of her friends getting her period in april. I know it sounds weird. But in the past I was able to predict what song was about to play on my ipod sometimes. It may be coincidence but I see it differently and that may contribute to the narcissim. also, when you are suicidal you apparently notice alot of coincidences. anyway I noticed alot of other stuff as well. There was thsi presentation with no name but I knew whos it was and I was right. The word ulladulla popped into my head and the next day there was a big poster with the word on it. I heard a voice in my head that sounded like one of y teachers that said "+*my name* I am going to tell you something strange. today I had this facebook conversation with this kid. I knew him last year and my friends teased him. We chatted and I saw myself in him. A kid who was alone and sad. He had it alot worse than I do and I started to think about the point of a school shooting. I think all of thsi stuff happening is like a sign that I shouldnt go through with this. I also had another conversation with the girl on facebook. Im starting to like her but in a big sister/mother figure kind of way which is a little weird.

Anyway....Im not sure how to approach this and what the next step is going to be. I have a plane and opportunity to shoot up my school but I feel as if god is trying to stop me. I dont know what to do. Help me make the right choice

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I was molested at a young age and..?

    I notice that I have extreme sexual feelings and I randomly begin crying, sometimes for no reason. I'm curious if the following symptoms have anything to do with it. I've tried to forget it happened and I've only told my mother about it. I'd afraid to bring up any of these feelings toward her but she'll ask me what's wrong with me when I act out. So I'm going to ask.. Do the following symptoms have anything to do with my past?

- Sexual urges
- Fear of people when they get angry
- Crying for inconsequential reasons
- Having the urge/addiction to lie about things
- Getting sexually aroused very easily
- Low self esteem
- Bad social skills
- Being somewhat suicidal

Any help would be necessary and helpful. Thanks for listening!

Is there any escape from this other than suicide?

I am not sad or emo when I ask this. My mom all my life has put me through emotional abuse. When I was young, she punched me a few times. She said hitting people is wrong but I am an exeception to the rule. I am no good. An ugly, no good piece of trash. She does good things and is a good person but she is a demon as well. I still live with her due to economy and no promotion at my job. Don't mention military because I been there done that. They tossed me back home. I wanted to stay.

I am a man and am not afraid. Noone believed me nor had my side. I'm no angel. I did bad things too which warranted discipline. But my mom was a bully. My older brother would join in the saddistic crap head. He is currently unemployed and has no skills and has been for almost 3 years. HE IS A DEMON.

I have a serial killer's childhood yet I did not and refuse to turn out like that. I never had a girlfriend nor am I really permitted to have one. Not really. I know my mother for what she TRUELY is. I love her and feel sorry for her for what she had to go through in life. Losing two husbands. My dad to lung cancer which to this day, accuses me of not caring enough depsite I was 10 when it happened. I loved him too. He was a bully at times and joined in. I hate him and am glad he is gone. I'm sorry he is dead and I love him but hate him. My step dad which I think was P-
whipped, I never really knew him. Only together 2 years and he seemed like a nice man, dropped dead one night of a heart attack.

My mom seems to enjoy laying into me about whatever. This is the type of person who wants the government to protect us and agrees everything the law says while I see flaws in the law system as I am a criminal justice student and see nothing but lies and corruption. I want the right to bare arms. My mom thinks noone should ever carry and the world be safer. I disagree. If Jack the Ripper came into my home, I'd want to protect my loved ones and family. Yet I would go to jail for it. Double standards are bad for you. Someone told me to go to hell once and I said I'm already there.

Guilt trips, manipulations, and emotional scarring. My mom manipulated people into thinking I hit her which is NOT TRUE. I fail at life and don't want to be here no more. Ladies out there, I am a good looking guy who likes you all so much that I don't want to expose you to the madness that is me. I am not evil nor evil natured. I was told that I had the devil in me when I was young. Ugly. STUPID!! It's ok for others to hit me and step on me and I have no rights. I am 29 now and have been dying all my life and want it to end. Why does god allow me to continue?

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I'm much too emotional...?

I cry at almost anything..when I'm happy, frustrated, angry, sad, lonely...literally everything.

I'll be watching a show like Xfactor or so you think you can dance..and when they get even a magnificent response from the judges or anything as such I'll cry. When it's a contestant I can relate to, I'll cry. If I'm listening to a song I relate I'll begin bawling etc.

I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever. If I had to give my self-esteem a rating out of 10, it would be in the negatives. There are days where I don't leave the house because I feel disgusted with myself..if I go shopping, I'm constantly putting myself down. I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was 12 (I'm 15) and I'm currently recovering on my own...I also sure I suffer from depression, it used to be a lot worse months ago so it's bettering.

I've also lost ALL motivation for school.
Last year, I was a straight A student with brilliant grades--I was already picking out top universities to attend, looking into possible scholarships..everything, and lately I've begun skipping and my grades have dropped TREMENDOUSLY in the past year.

My question is how can I stop being so emotional?


When will I grow up and become responsible?

I'm a mature gal in general, for a 16 year old at least. Before I was diagnosed with depression, I was on time to school, got decent grades (A's Most B's and some C's), but now I've been stuck in a rut.

I have no desire to become successful. I don't care where I end up. I got straight F's all last year because I skipped all my morning classes or just decided to take some days off because I didn't feel like it. So, my dad pushes me (I don't live with him), he is disappointed in me when I don't go of course. He tells me to go, he tells me to turn my work in. That only makes me not want to do it even more.

Since his way didn't work, he sent me to a boarding school. I needed to get away from family drama too. I started out fine, on top of things. First quarter I got B's and A's. Second quarter, I'm back to straight F's. I have sleeping problems, I don't get up in the morning for breakfast. Nor do I show up to my morning classes. I haven't studied for my finals which is in about an hour. I haven't turned in or done any work for the past three weeks.

I KNOW what I'm supposed to do. I just don't do it. I'm on anti-depressants right now, also some sleeping pills which don't seem to help. So, going to a psychiatrist doesn't do anything for me.

I need some advice, I know I'm unmotivated and lazy. How do I get over it. PLEASE HELP. My parents are wasting a sh*tload of money on me being a bum. I'm a sophomore by the way. If that matters.


does anyone have any advice?

I have a really bad past. I've lost some really good friends, I lost one recently and i'm finding it hard to move on and to cope with it. I've tried killing myself, cutting myself.i used to be a bully in primary school and high school but i'm not anymore, but my past still haunts me. I have really low self esteem.

I have trouble fitting in, no matter how hard I try. usually people just say its all in my head but I dont think it is. I can't talk properly, I can't think of anything witty to say that will make people laugh. I know that everyone you meet is not going to like you but it would be nice to fit in. I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, I constantly wish I was someone else.

I don't know how to deal with things, I don't know what's right or wrong and if I try telling my problems to someone they wont listen, theyl just think im looking for sympathy and call me a cry baby. I don't know what I should do, I just wish I could go back in time and start all over. does anyone have any advice for me? I just feel like the world would be a better place if I died, considering a few people have told me that and some of my ex friends have said they live much happier lives without me in it. I don't know what's wrong with me

Tired of people taking a disrespectful tones and actions with me?

hey everybody, lemme tell you a little background info before I get to the issue. im 20 year old male, im the youngest guy in the family, I guess you could say I was "abused" as a kid because my dad and bro would always be very dominate both physical and mental when I was young and now its subsided a bit and still happens today , but not as much.

I don't want to talk about exactly what kind (of) **** happened when I was a kid. My childhood has given me today what some call an inferiority complex. I have trouble couping and flip out when people *(*& with me now. Its exhausting to be this defensive and angry all the time, but I feel justified from my past.

Here are some pros and cons of this experience is how I look at it.
Pros- I pushed myself to be fit and can get up over 300 in bench ( not a bunch but im pretty big I guess)
Low tolerance to social conformity
Cons- Low boiling point( get pissed easy)
I hate authority and people who try to dominate control you.
thoughts of killing people who are animal like and controlling.
Suicide as well

Past experiences of mine noticed that this was becoming a problem- I fought my older brother and sent him to the hospital. I felt really bad after and knew I had a problem. He's fine tho don't worry. Now my dad has been being more and more loud and yelling about really small stuff too trying to be Hitler of the house, and im getting those same thoughts again. I need help. Someone who has been a "rat in a cage" his/her whole life please help me. I need council on how to let these things not bother me so much.

oh ya also, please don't say its normal, because if it is, then I rather not be, and if you say im crazy thanks.

I have anxiety and confidence issues..what is wrong with me?

Hello I was wondering if someone can help me. I'm constantly nervous and in a rush to go nowhere. I always argue with my girlfriend if she doesn't call me immediately in the morning like she usually does, or if she doesn't give me the special attention I feel I deserve I get upset and bothered. What is wrong with me? How can I change and just be a more relaxed and confident person? Do I need medication?


How can I conquer my low self esteem?

I feel like I am at my wits end with my low self esteem, it effects my ability to have any zest for life, enjoy my relationships, and enjoy socializing with people most of the time. I have been in therapy for a year, read books, and talk to friends about it. Nothing seems to be helping, ill make little changes but its always still there. Has anyone ever come from have very low self esteem and become confident in themselves? How did you do it?
Did my antidepressants stop working?

I've been on Celexa for the better part of three weeks. For the first week and a half or so I felt better than I had in years. All the anger/anxiety was significantly dulled, I was happier, more social, getting along better with everyone. I knew that a lot of it was still being repressed to some degree, but my mind wasn't focusing on them at all. But recently, this past week or so, it seems like my resentments and anxieties are coming back. I'm not having the kind of anger/anxiety/depression attacks that I had been having off the medication, but its definitely coming back, even if its not as severe as it was at its peak.


How can I stop being angry all the time?

     I always feels like I want to kill someone. I can anyone any time if I want to. When there is someone who makes me angry, it makes want to stub that person. Makes me want to punch and smash their face 100 times.

     Maybe I have high defense mechanism. When someone threaten me or mess with me, it makes me want to kill that person. Maybe because I was bullied and abused when I was in 8th grade. I always think of those people, and I thought I should killed all those guys when I was 8th grade. I sometimes think I should find them and kill them. I have many unfinished business. I don`t think I can be happy without finishing my business.

How can I be nice, happy person?


im so insecure. how to be confident & happy with yourself?

im constantly complaining about my physical appearance. I feel like im too skinny, and I hate that I dont have a clear face...I hate my acne --__-- & im always putting myself down.

sometimes in class, I get nervous just to participate cause im scared of what people might think of me. my mom also told that I care way too much about what other people think of me. idk how to let go of that feeling? like im so sick of putting myself down, I want to be confident. ive been told that im attractive and all, but I dont think appearance really has much to do with confidence.

like guys check me out all the time, but I can never really get a guy cause I feel like im not good enough for him or I compare myself to his past girlfriends.

& whenever I see girls who arent that pretty but are super confident, it makes me feel super upset.
all in all,
How can I be more confident or improve my self-esteem?

please give serious answers, im sorta depressed these days...

I feel so worthless in life

I cant stop smoking weed. I dropped out of school 2 years ago I have no job. I'm anti-social. Feel depressed everyday. Dont have nobody to talk to. Bored out my mind everyday. I try to get out and do something. But im always by myself with nothing to do. Feeling so suicidal/homicidal. What can I do. No BS answers plz


Lonely and depressed please help me.?

Even in primary from 4-12 years old I have either been picked on or used by friends and other class mates etc, Now at 5th yea of Secondary School (High School) I still have no bff only one friend outside school and not a bff. In Fact I feel after she is finished with the drama group we will lose contact with each other. Then I shall have to go through 6th year alone without Saturday in seeing her. You see my drama group only allows you in it until your 18 and after that your not allowed in it. Bullying in the past has left me with low self esteem and I'm just curious as to if there is somthing wrong with me.? I've tried councilling infact my school sent me to a place in which they send a few girls before hand but infact it was councilling place for girls that where abused by there parents in which I found a bit insulting and in return they did **** all for us. Now and again I bump into girls from my primary school in which I see them smirking at me in a real cheeky way. They seem to be doing well academically and I feel again I did somthing wrong in my life to make this happen. My first friend would play sexual games with me and I feel stupid for going along with things . I can't go certain places in fear of being reminded of it. I've also tried uping my dose in anti depressant's but nothings changed. I joined the drama group to help also but still a year later I feel the same.


How can I feel good about life?

I'm stuck in my life. I've started to go through major depressive phases since I started college 3 months ago. I have 1 true friend, no people skills, and have taken a wrong decision in life which is too late to change. My life involves not excitement, and little happiness. I'm 16, and up until I started college (England, not University) I could deal with it. The stress of college has collapsed me emotionally and even more socially.

I often contemplate suicide, and even left it to the flip of a coin whether to drive a knife into my chest. The memory of this scares me, because I now know how far I take myself. Since my depressive phases started, I realised how I've made the wrong decisions, and chose academic over expressive creativity. I feel as if I'm stuck in life, and each time I attend college, I get struck with horrible, deep thoughts of self-loathing and worthlessness that just opens up inside me. I have no one to turn to; I feel that others look down on my, that they are elevated in status above me, because they have the happiness and friends.

It makes me feel worthless, that I could take my own life with no consequence. I know its too late to change my wrong choices, and change. I feel like death would hold a more bearable experience than life itself, without being lonely and loathing my own life. I feel ashamed of my own existance. My aspirations are now dead, and I don;'t know what I'm aiming for, I am just floating inconveniently through life. I know that I have the potential to drive myself far enough to seriously harm myself, and that scares me.


I am a person who has only watched tv all my life. I don't understand what I was thinking.?

Because of this addiction, I have become absent-minded, my mind does not work quickly.
I am depressed all the time. I have created huge complications. I have wasted so much of my parents' money. I am pretty sure if I had not been an addict, I could have made my life a success.
I know every person goes through the same phase. But because of me, my parents and siblings have suffered a lot. Sometimes I wish I could die as a punishment for my sins.

Can't stop feeling depressed?

I don't know what to do, for many reasons I can't stop feeling sad.. I can't eat, I feel so lonely like I'm annoying everyone, and I hate everything about me. I've gotten to the point where I want to self harm. I feel like I'm Compaleteley alone.. and I have no one to talk to.. I don't know what to do.. help? I know I just sound pathetic, but I'm not! I really am an average 15 year old kid..


Please help how can I overcome depression?

Well I'm just 15 and alot is going On in my life right now my parents are pushing me and pressuring me about thing way to much. I haven't been sleeping well I sleep at 4am in the morning and wake up at 7am without feeling sleepy. I'm so stressed out and depressed I cry alot an don't know what to do. I get so anxious about everything. How can I just relax and let go.!!!

What disorder do I have that seems to be CONTROLLING my life?

It seems like they could because they are depressed individuals often wanting to appear as better then they already are. I suffer from this disorder I think. I am often isolate myself from social contact in a depressive fantasy state and often trying to mimic the social skills of other to create a superficial charm to help me along in the real world. I am often scared of people out of occurrences from my past when dealing with people. I dealt with a lot of 2 faced people and they made me scared to interact with anyone with my TRUE self. So I make myself have a new roll that I gained from watching someone, I mimmick there social skills and use them while typically lieing and making myself seem higher then I already am. But when I'm around to many people the depression starts to come back and my real self starts to show, often when the conversation arouses to depressing topics. Its like the wolfman when he has to leave because there is a full moon outside, I am the same way when my real self starts to fluster. So I often avoid depressing situations or act insincere and move on to another upbeat person. I took myself out of a real high school because of this, because I hated that you had to deal with atleast 1 mean person, or jealous person and how they can really bring down your life in a situation. So I chose home schooling online, with very little social interaction. But I do not desire to get help, because for most of the time, its kind of fun maintaining multiple personalities around different people. You also stay covert so whenever you do deal with a 2 faced person, he has nothing to exploit except a lie while you hold all the secrets that they told you.
What can I do? Why keep living?

   I've always felt so desperately alone and useless. I have been unable to sleep for as long as I can remember, so I am tired constantly and have never had any energy. For over a decade I just kept fighting it and doing what you are supposed to. Get some education, get a good job, buy a house, buy a car, be responsible in every possible way. I've always tried to help other people whenever they need it, but am unable to ask others for help. Through all of this I was somewhat at peace with being alone because I didn't know any different. Then somehow I got an amazing girlfriend and fell in love. Thought we would get married and be happy. We were together for over 3 years, and then she let me know she felt something was missing, which was causing doubts for her, so we broke up. Now I feel more alone than ever before and am right at the end of my rope. Now I know what it is to be loved and can't stand the thought of going on alone. This isn't about losing the relationship, it's about losing what I thought I would never have and feeling completely alone, useless and tired of the pain of daily living. I've tried taking my mind off of it. I go to the gym every day, but feel no better, no healthier and no more distracted. I've picked up a new hobby that I've always wanted to do since I was a kid. Over the holidays I threw myself into it as much as possible, but again, it didn't distract me, and doesn't really make me feel any better. I've tried going to museums, parks and just for walks around the neighbourhood. I've gone to doctors and had many tests done and been given anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Neither have done anything. I had one pill that actually allowed me to fall asleep a little quicker, but still never woke up feeling refreshed or energized. I used to eat a fair bit (wasn't fat, but still ate a fair bit), but now my stomach is always tied up in knots and eating is difficult because I feel terrible all the time. I eat much less and generally healthier trying to feel better, but it doesn't appear to be working. I'm out of ideas and energy to try too much more. Does anybody have anything useful to suggest before I completely lose my grip?

tl;dr: Out of reasons to live; need suggestions before I lose all strength to keep fighting.

Opinion - what this troubled boy is "missing" is (a) caringt adults to fiull his needs; and (b) awareness of his psychological wounds, and how to heal them.He - like every one of these troubled young people - needs a functional family.

Why don't I fit in with the people around me?
I'm a 16 year old male from the UK, do very well in school, plan to go on to higher Education then University to eventually own my own business. Hopefully, I'll become huegely rich and successful. I consider myself ambitious and in the right frame of mind.

Yes you may think I'm snobby but I'm honestly not I just know what I want in life and don't allow myself to be distracted foolish things. I feel as though my parents don't care about my acedemic achievements as they show little interest yet they seem disappinted by the fact i'm not a yob who hangs around the street corners or they insult/ nag me that I don't have a girlfriend. I suppose I'm not a regular teenager I'm well manered, studious but my perception was that most parents would love a son like that.

Also at school there's nobody else like me I don't necessarily consider myself as a loner but I don't fit into a group like everyone else. However i'm friends with 2-3 people out of each group but it's not the same as having a group. Everyone seems to only talk about computer games or football. Those two subjects couldn't interest me any less.

I just feel like nobody understands me or can't relate to me. Almost like I'm a 30 year old in a 16 year olds body. I feel a lot more mature than them.

About 90% of the school are ignorant and uneducated in their views and have no grasp of the English Language. They are racist, sexist, prejudice, homophobic which is a huge problem as I'm secretly gay and have developed Depression because of it.

Do you think my life is over?

I'm 24 and struggle with bulimia and I take appetite pills to try and control my hunger. I also take sedatives to relax me. These things have interferred with my career and I currently don't even have a job. Basically my life consists of fasting, binging purging, excercising and taking pills.
I do this to try and stay 'thin' but it's become more then about that. I do it so I dont have to deal with feelings. I think it's a habit. But how can I stop being bulimic when there are food places everywhere? sigh, i'm fighting a losing battle

Why do I feel like so upset?

For over a year now I have felt so upset, angry and sad. It's horrible I don't really know why but I always feel worse when I'm stress because of exams. I have self harmed and made myself sick. What should I do I hate everything :(
I know its wierd, but I HATE my dad?
im 14 and I dont know why , but I deeply hate my dad!!! realy often I have this feeling but rarly I feel close to him in anyway. even if he just telss me goodmorning I just get angry! we dont have a very good realtionship, we often fight for stupid things. my father is like a savage he swears and gets realy mad when he is angry , but sometimes when we fight he plays the victim and doesnt talk to the rest of the family for like 3 days. then my mom strats to see me as the cause.

I justt realyy hateeee himmmm , but I dont know why??? many daughters love their father and hug him and stuff like that but never did these things with him =[

plss give me some advice

My Baby's Dad is an idiot and I don't have any money?
I'm a teen mom of a 9 month old baby boy. when I got pregnant my boyfriend left me and I never tried to get him back so he continued with his own life without caring about his son (he never met him).
when my son was 6 month old my mom had an other baby girl with her new boyfriend. we were 6 under the same roof so I decided to move in with my brother.
now, I go to school and I work and my brother goes to college and works so I have to put my son in a day care. the day care costs a lot and we have bills, diapers, car, food and textbooks to pay.
cause the crisis my city cant give to me any other help.
So I tried to ask my baby's dad to give me some money and he said no. so I was wondering is there any possibility to force him to give me the money I need for our son without having him in our life? he never wanted to recognize his son and he uses to be a very bad guy. he has a drug problem and he used to threaten me. Help :(

Extremely low self-confidence ruining my life?

I've always been really shy and I've never liked how I look.
But over the years, my opinion of my appearance has gotten worse and worse. I can't stand what I see in the mirror. And I want to cry if someone takes a photo of me. I don't even like people looking at me. I get moody with people if I think they're staring at me, and if I know them well, I'll tell them to stop looking at me. I'm always trying to hide my face with my hands and my hair. I can't leave the house without make-up and I don't even like my own parents seeing me without any on. I'm not saying I slap on tons of it, I'm only 15 (although I'm 16 soon), but I wear a fair amount...
I hate my freckles. So much. Them and the REALLY dark circles under my eyes are my biggest insecurities. Also, I have huge ears. I used to get bullied because of them. But I've been bullied my entire life anyway, and even though I've left school now, I'm still being bullied.
I've never been really liked by anyone (as in more than a friend) or been kissed and I know you're thinking 'oh but you're only 15/16' but come on, really, this is 2011. And it'd just be nice to know I actually have someone seeing as I only have like 2 friends.
I really do believe people don't like me because of how I look. I think people like attractive people, and that I'm not attractive enough for the world.
Sometimes how I feel about my appearance gets as bad to the point where I really do want to die because of it. I get depression anyway, but most of it is because of this.

I have problems talking to people and I never talk about personal problems to anyone I know (or a therapist) and it's something I cannot do. At all.

I decided to briefly tell my closest friend a couple of weeks ago. She said that she honestly thinks every time she sees me that I'm 'amazingly stunning'. I know she's lying. Because I have eyes too and I can see my reflection. And what I see is the complete opposite to that.

I won't even leave the house most of the time.

It's just completely destroying me. And I don't know what to do. I'm obsessed with looks.

Advice would be greatly appreciated..... Sorry this is so long..

      Pause, breathe, and notice your thoughts and feelings. Do you know any young people like these? Were/are YOU one?  Consider that these verbatim Web postings stand for millions of other unhappy young people who suffer similar anguish in lonely silence.

So What?

        Notice the themes of these poignant appeals from young people

  • confusion

  • low self esteem (shame)

  • "depression" (and/or grief)

  • alienation

  • poor spelling and grammar

  • anxieties

  • loneliness

  • apathy

  • isolation

  • "hatred"

These are widespread symptoms of parental neglect, abandonment, and abuse - i.e. early-childhood trauma. They indicate inherited psychological wounds ("mental illness"), which start well before adulthood. These wounds result from - and spread - the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle which is relentlessly eroding our global societies and our ecosphere.


        This Lesson-6 article reprints verbatim international Web posts from troubled young people, mostly teens. Their using the Web to vent and plead suggests there is no adult in their life that they can trust to listen, understand, and help them.

      Without patient, informed adult help, young people like these will probably conceive or adopt kids and unintentionally pass on the psychological wounds that have crippled and stressed them and their parents

      If you want to help this numberless legion of desperate children, (a) study and apply this course, and (b) choose from these options.

        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

  BREAK THE CYCLE! Keep studying Lesson 6!

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