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Marital infidelity is universal in all cultures and Eras. Premise: romantic/ sexual "affairs" are caused by both mates and the third party being signifi-cantly wounded + unaware + needy + frustrated. Frustration signals that key personal needs are unmet. An affair indicates that both mates don't know how to problem-solve - i.e. how to help each other meet their respective par-tnership needs effectively. Implication: people who choose affairs are not "immoral, weak, shameful, selfish, sinful, insensitive, wrong, or 'bad'." Condemnation of an unfaithful partner discounts the equal role of the "betrayed" mate, and amplifies guilt, shame, and antagonisms that inhibit personal and family forgiveness and growth. This is specially tragic when kids are involved. Compassion and honest self-awareness (vs. acceptance) are healthier choices. Restated: affairs are clear evidence that all involved adults need to learn about the [wounds + ignorance] cycle, and take appropriate personal respon-sibility and action, rather than fight, argue, moan, accuse, rationalize, deny, explain, or avoid. Resistance to this idea ("Yes, but...") suggests a protective false self is in charge. more detail / cycle slides / related info 1 > 2 / close |
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