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Premise - all emotions are valuable signals that some discomfort needs to be reduced. Feeling (a) frustrated and (b) angry are primal (normal) responses de-signed to protect us from harm. Trying to "not feel angry" is like trying not to di-gest your food. Regulating how to express frustration and anger is a social skill all kids and many adults need to learn. Do you agree? Are you able to do that yet? Options - (a) choose the attitude "feeling angry or frustrated tells us we need to fill some needs," and then (b) use your awareness and dig-down skills to discern who's primary needs require filling now. Kids need caregivers to learn to do these two steps, teach them how to use anger and frustration to spot and reduce current needs, and how to model expressing anger and frustration respectfully. Kids or adults who "never get angry," or "can't control" the way they express their frustration and anger are probably ruled by a protective false self. If so, scor-ning or punishing the person for their angry behavior will make things worse by in-creasing guilt, shame, dishonesty, distrust, resentment, anxiety, and frustration. So will trying to logically explain why the person is (wrong). Better options are to (a) assert and enforce respectful boundaries, (b) invite adults to assess for false-self wounds and take responsibility for reducing them, and (c) improving personal and family anger "policies." Bottom line: anger and frustration are automatic emotional responses which signal that some needs require attention. These responses provide valuable emo-tional power to make constructive personal and social changes. Expressing anger and frustration effectively is a learnable relationship skill (Lesson 2). It requires self- awareness and an unhindered true Self. more detail / slides / Lesson 1 index and guidebook / close |
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