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Premises - All human behavior tries to prevent or reduce emotion-al, physical, mental, and spiritual discomforts - i.e. to fill needs. Medi-tation usually discloses that what you think you need ("I need to bal-ance my checkbook") is a surface or secondary need caused by several underlying primary needs ("I really need to reduce my anxieties about bouncing checks + lowering my credit rating + embarrassment and guilt + incurring a bank fee.") We're usually OK-enough focusing on our sur-face needs. To resolve major conflicts and crises effectively, use aware-ness and dig-down skills to discern (a) what each involved person really needs, and (b) who's responsible for filling each major need. Healthy (able) adults are each responsible for (a) discerning and filling their own primary needs, and (b) ranking others' needs equally with their own in non-emergencies. Most troubled adults and kids are ruled by uninformed, insecure, shamed false selves. To reduce or avoid shame, guilt, overwhelm, and fears (i.e. pain), their ruling subselves avoid, distort, and blame others for current (surface) problems. True Sel-ves are much more likely to identify and accept responsibility for redu-cing current discomforts. Family Project 1 empowers true Selves over time, and Project 2 offers seven learnable skills to (a) fill your primary needs, and (b) help other people fill theirs when they wish help. |
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