|
To nurture means to promote health, growth, and wellbeing in living things - i.e. to fill current needs. Nature endows most healthy adult creatures with a fierce instinct to nurture their offspring and some orphans. Childless people vary in their interest and ability to nurture themselves and other needy people. Because hu-mans have many developmental, adjustment, and relationship needs, consis-tently-effective nurturance is hard to provide. This is specially true for typical par-ents and grandparents from low-nurturance childhoods. Happiness, joy, satisfac-tion, serenity, and contentment suggest that current needs are well-filled. Young children seem to automatically develop some ''Manager'' personality subselves as they grow. A common one may be called the Nurturer, or Loving Mom / Dad. This subself is instinctively motivated to love and nourish other living things. In healthy personalities, the Nurturer cares for their host person and others equally. In disabled personalities, self-care is hindered by the Shamed Child, the Guilty Child, and their Guardian subselves. That produces self-neglect and other self-abuses. In specially-wounded survivors of low-nurturance early years, the Nurturer seems undeveloped and/or overwhelmed. Such people cannot form genuine bonds with people or living things. This is called Reactive Attach-ment Disorder (RAD). It contributes to "failed" and approach-avoid relationships, "unavailable" parents and mates, and social isolation. A vital part of personal recovery from psychological wounds ( Lesson 1) is intro-ducing the Nurturer to any Inner Kids who don't know or trust that subself, and encouraging the Kids' attentive Guardian subselves to trust the true Self + other Manager subselves + a nurturing Higher Power + healthy other people to keep the Inner Kids contented. Nourishing relationships, wholistically-healthy co-parents and kids, and high-nurturance families suggest this is happening. Does this sound like your childhood and/or current family? More detail |
About the