About the Nurturer Personality Subself

       To nurture means to promote health, growth, and wellbeing in living things - i.e. to fill current needs. Nature endows most healthy adult creatures with a fierce instinct to nurture their offspring and some orphans. Childless people vary in their interest and ability to nurture themselves and other needy people well. Because humans have many developmental, adjustment, and relationship needs, consis-tently-effective nurturance is hard to provide. This is specially true for typical par-ents and grandparents from low-nurturance childhoods. Happiness, joy, satisfac-tion, and contentment suggest that current needs are well-filled. 

        Young children seem to automatically develop some ''Manager'' personality subselves as they grow. A common one may be called the Nurturer, or Loving Mom / Dad. This subself is instinctively  motivated to love and nourish other living things. In healthy personalities, the Nurturer cares for their host person and others equally. In disabled personalities, self-care is hindered by the Shamed Child, the Guilty Child, and their Guardian subselves. That produces self-neglect and other self- abuses. In specially-wounded survivors of low-nurturance early years, the Nurturer seems undeveloped and/or overwhelmed. Such people cannot form genuine bonds with people or living things. This is called Reactive Attach-ment Disorder (RAD). It contributes to "failed" and approach-avoid relationships, "unavailable" parents and mates, and social isolation.

        A vital part of personal recovery from false-self wounds ( Project 1) is (a) identifying the Nurturer and other subselves, (b) introducing the Nurturer to any Inner Kids who don't know or trust that subself, and (c) patiently redi-recting the Kids' attentive Guardian subselves to genuinely trust the true Self + other Manager subselves + a nurturing Higher power + healthy other people to keep the Inner Kids contented. Nourishing relationships, wholistically-healthy co-parents and kids, and high-nurturance families suggest this is happening. Does this sound like your childhood and/or current family?

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