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Typical people raised in low-nurturance childhoods seem to bear two to six psychological wounds. The wound of excessive shame (feeling worthless, in-ept, and unlovable) is so painful, typical Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) de-velop a variety of defenses against it - e.g. reality distortion, distraction, pro-jection ("You're worthless, not me!"), repression (numbing), and self-medica-tion. They may appear socially self confidant and self-respecting, but beha-vioral clues suggest that's a skillful pretense. The excessive-shame wound seems to be caused by the neglected young child developing a personality subself who carries intense feelings of worth-lessness, unlovability, and self-disgust - the Shamed Child. To soothe and comfort this powerful Inner Child, the person also develops some tireless Guardian subselves - like a People Pleaser, Achiever, Perfectionist, Procras-tinator, Addict, Magician, Liar-Con, and Competitor. Until the wise true Self solidly manages the person's personality, these well-intentioned Guardian subselves often control her or his perceptions and actions without their awareness. Such GWCs can be called "shame-based," to distinguish them from other wounded people who are fear-based, excessively guilty, or other. A high percentage of average divorcing and stepfamily adults appear to be shame-based or fear-based - and don't (want to) know that. This promotes raising wounded descendents. Once admitted, all six false-self wounds can be significantly reduced by patient work at personal recovery. One recovery goal becomes helping the Shamed Child to develop genuine self respect, and redi-recting the protective Guardian subselves to more helpful personality "jobs" (roles). Here, Project 1 focuses on identifying and reducing false-self wounds. more detail / Q&A / research / Project-1 links and guidebook / example / close |
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