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Do you know someone who often sees themselves as a helpless victim or martyr? Such kids and adults see themselves as unfairly hurt, disregarded, cheated, used, or discounted by others or "fate." Other people who choose to endure painful circumstances or relationships without complaining may be seen as martyrs or saints. Adults or kids who see themselves as victims or martyrs are often dominated by one or more personality subselves which seek to protect shamed, guilty, and other Inner Children against pain by avoiding asser-tion and risk-taking. The well-meaning Victim / Martyr / Loser subself does this by persuading the host person that taking responsibility for identifying and asserting her or his needs and boundaries is "wrong," "unfair," "bad," "dangerous," and/or "hopeless." Often this diligent Guardian subself is aided by the Catastrophizer ("If you try to resist, you'll die!), the Cynic / Doubter ("No way you can improve things!"), and/or the Magician ["You know things aren't so bad - think of homeless people, addicts, and orphans (and just endure)."] There may also be a related Whiner subself who endlessly complains about how bad things are. Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site helps wounded people harmo-nize their subselves under the expert leadership of their resident true Self and other Manager subselves. When this happens, chronic feeli-ngs of being a victim or martyr significantly recede, and healthy self-care and assertions increase. More detail / close |
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