Example, continued... Interview These Subselves         Over the next several weeks, Monica chooses a long-range outlook, and invests undistracted time in introducing her Self to each of these normal subselves individually and in small groups. She interviews each subself to learn... what their job (personality role) is, whether they trust her Self's wisdom or judgment - and if not, why; and... how each subself feels Monica should guide and protect her daughter Jess.         As she does this, Monica tells Jess what she's doing and why. Her daughter seems intrigued in spite of her skepticism. Monica also keeps Vance and Karen informed, and asks their comments as she progresses. They all learn some new things about themselves and each other as they do this "parts analysis."         This earnest Mom has never conferred with her subselves before. She discovers that they have a lot to say to her and each other, once they trust that her Self is safe to talk to. Monica also finds that most of the Guardian and young subselves don't know how old (wise) she is, so they don't trust her Self's judgment. They all fear that if things among them change (like following the resident true Self), they'll lose their roles or power. She patiently reassures them that will never happen. + + +         Step back from the details now and see the whole multi-level need-analysis process. Monica began with a surface relationship-need for her daughter to change (be more open). Patiently digging down four need-levels allowed her to discover her primary needs - to... identify several of her key and subselves causing her attitudes and (communication) behaviors with Jess, and to... teach these subselves... some new attitudes, effective-communication basics and skills, and to... trust her Adult Woman's and true Self's judgment about Jess's welfare. These are the first parts of harmonizing all of Monica's dynamic personality subselves into a cohesive, cooperative team, led by her true Self, other Managers, and her Higher Power (Lesson 1).   + + +         Notice your reaction to this example, You probably won't appreciate the power of these problem-analysis options until you experiment with them and see what happens. Think of the several most stressful relationship problems in your life now, including any between your subselves. and ima-gine applying your version of the analysis options on p. 1. Could that help you resolve the problems? Try it! Status Check         Take stock of what you believe now about relationship-problem analysis. Check to see if your Self is answering. T = "true," F = "false," and "?" = "I'm not sure." I'm _ comfortable with the idea of normal personality subselves, and I'm _ motivated to identify mine now. T  F  ? I _ understand the difference between a true Self and a false self, and _ I'm learning how to recognize which of these are controlling me or someone else.  T  F  ? I accept that needs are mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual discomforts, and that being needy is healthy and normal, not weak.  T  F  ? I believe that all emotions are useful pointers to current primary needs.  T  F  ? I can define the difference between surface needs and primary needs. T  F  ? I'm actively learning how to dig down to discover my current primary needs.  T  F  ? I can clearly define what a "relationship problem" is to an average teen  T  F  ? I see relationship problems as opportunities for self and mutual growth.  T  F  ? I  have studied the suggested readings at the top of this article  T  F  ? I _ can explain the difference between internal and interpersonal relationship-problems to a typical teen now, and _ I know how to identify problems between my subselves.  T  F ? I understand how to analyze a major or chronic relationship problem now.  T  F  ? I'm motivated to try my way of analyzing needs now with an open mind, to see what happens.  T  F  ? I know how to judge if a relationship problem is resolved "well enough."  T  F  ?         What did you just learn about yourself? Who responded to this status check - your wise true Self, or other subselves? Recap         This Lesson-4 article proposes why most adults aren't trained to analyze typical internal and interpersonal relationship problems. It then proposes a framework for analyzing problems (a) among your dynamic subselves, and (b) with other people. The article closes with an example of analyzing a common five-level Mother-daughter (family) relationship problem.         Pause, breathe, and recall why you read this article. Did you get what you needed? If so, what do you need now? If not - what do you need? Is there anyone you want to discuss these ideas with? Who's answering these questions - your wise true Self, or someone else?    This article was very helpful   somewhat helpful   not helpful     <<  Prior page  /  Lesson 4 links  >>  site intro  /   course outline  /  site search  /  glossary  /  chat  /  contact  /  copyright info Updated November 09, 2011