Terminology: "Divorcing" vs. "Divorced"

   Typical families take many years to fully adjust and stabilize after the many changes and losses caused by mates ending their relationship and legal commitments to each other. This usually takes significantly longer when kids are involved.

   People who aren't aware of how long this family adjustment takes are apt to say "s/he is - or they are - divorced" after a legal dissolution is granted. This suggests that the divorce process is "over."

   Divorce-related grieving, adjusting, and stabilizing may take affected adults and kids 10 or more years after a legal decree is granted. Ignoring or minimizing this long adjustment process promotes needy adults commit-ting to a new partner too soon. Doing so is one of three unwise courtship decisions that promote our unremarked U.S. re/divorce epidemic.

   Thinking and saying "I am / s/he is / we are / they are "divorcing" vs. "di-vorced" can minimize the harmful misperception that all family members have grieved and adjusted well enough to form a new primary relationship after mates "break up" - specially if dependents are involved. 

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