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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/sf//cycles.htm

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        This is one of a series of Lesson-7 articles on how to evolve a high-nurturance stepfamily. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents in a divorcing biofamily, or any of the three or more related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. 

        This article illustrates the extra developmental stages that typical stepfamilies traverse over time, compared to intact biofamilies. These stages add to over 70 structural and dynamic differences between these two normal types of family. The article assumes you're familiar with...

the intro to this nonprofit web site and the premises underlying it self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 6 stepfamily Q&A and facts how typical stepfamilies develop

  Comparison

        While every family is unique, they all move through common developmental stages over time. Family life-cycles start when couples commit and end when the last mate dies. If mates have children, typical adult kids choose mates and begin their own family cycle before their parents die.

        Each developmental stage can cause significant changes, conflicts, and losses ("stress") for all family members. Some stages occur gradually and are foreseen and planned. Others occur suddenly (like an unexpected child conception or death), significantly destabilizing the whole family system.

        The summary below shows that a typical stepfamily's life-cycle has many more stages to negotiate - and more chances for stress and loss - than average intact biofamilies.

        The order of some events varies between families, but the events are common to all families. Ceaseless personal and environmental change throughout each multi-decade cycle forces the whole multigenerational family system, to constantly adjust and restabilize its goals, roles, rules, rituals, membership, identity, and boundaries.

        Pause and notice what you think and feel now.

Implications

This comparison shows that typical stepfamily adults and children have many more life-cycle events to negotiate than peers in average intact biofamilies. Though every family is unique, some universal implica-tions are that average stepfamily members...

• Have more changes to adapt to in their life spans. Change promotes local or prolonged stress (anxiety, confusion, frustration, conflict, and losses) in persons and groups - specially if many changes occur close together, and/or people are unable to grieve and adapt well.

        And typical step-people...

• have a higher need to communicate effectively to help each other negotiate their extra development tasks, problems, and stages effectively over time. That's why self-improvement Lesson 2 exists here, though all adults and kids need these seven relationship skills.

• need to grieve more losses (broken bonds) more often than typical intact-biofamily members. American society discounts the importance of grieving, so incomplete grief is one of five common family stressors. That's why self-improvement Lesson 3 exists in this educational site;

        And also...

• typical minor stepkids may have a harder time filling their developmental needs, because several sets of concurrent family-adjustment needs are imposed on them. That raises the odds that without informed adult and professional help, they may (a) grow up to make unwise marital and child-conception choices and (b) spread their ancestral cycle of low family nurturance and psychological wounding. And...

• because these many life-cycle events affect more people (three or more biofamilies), average stepfamilies have a higher need than intact biofamilies to develop...

• effective, informed leadership with...

• achievable long-term family goals, and...

• stable teamwork among all adults and their supporters.

        This usually requires all co-parents wanting to admit and reduce significant psychological wounds and divorce-related teamwork barriers. Lessons 1 and 4 provide perspective, options, and effective resources to do this.

        Collectively, these implications mean at least two more things: to minimize major stress and probable family dis-integration (re/divorce), stepfamily adults and supporters must...

• acknowledge that they are a stepfamily, and then...

• learn what that identity means, and act on that.

Otherwise they risk trying to negotiate these complex extra life-cycle events using inappropriate biofamily-based role and relationship expectations. Whether step-adults do this or not, the overarching implication of all the above is...

...typical stepfamily co-parents and their dependent kids are at higher risk of eventual psychological or legal re/divorce and passing on ancestral unawareness and wounds than first-married mates.

        Notice your reaction to this opinion. Because it's sobering, typical Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) will dispute, discount, or ignore this implication.

Recap

        This article exists to help correct the common misconception that average stepfamilies are "pretty much like" intact biofamilies. In some ways, they are. In over 70 other ways, they're as different as a camel from a house cat.

        The article illustrates how average stepfamilies have to negotiate many more life-cycle phases across their years than typical intact biofamilies do. This means most stepfamily adults and kids will experience more significant role and relationship problems than their biofamily peers. That means that without informed educa-tion and wound-healing, stepfamily members are at higher risk of significant stress and psychological and legal (re)divorce.

        Based on 32 years clinical research, the free self-improvement Lessons in this Web site can help stepfamily adults avoid stress, loss, and re/divorce; and guard their descendents against inheriting the lethal [wounds + unaware-ness] cycle.

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        Pause, breathe, and note your reactions to what you just read. Then recall why you read this article. Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Is there anyone you want to discuss this article with? Who's answering these questions - your wise true Self (capital "S") or '"someone else'?'

For more awareness, study this companion article about how typical stepfamilies evolve toward one of three possible outcomes. Then continue studying Lesson 7.

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Updated  November 18, 2011