Break the [wounds + unawareness] cycle! 

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What Do You Need Here?

Links to selected articles and indexes

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About this Web Site

        This Web site exists to alert family adults, supporters, human-service professionals, and stu-dents to the silent [wounds + unawareness] cycle that stresses most homes and families, and promotes the tragic U.S. divorce epidemic.

        The site began as an information resource for people considering or belonging to stepfamilies. It is being expanded to serve all families, psychologically-wounded people, and the health professionals that support them. The content here is based on 45 years' technical, management, and clinical research and experience.

        The site's main goals are to inform and motivate you to (a) break the inherited [wounds + unawareness] cycle, (b) prevent family stress and divorce, and (c) promote high-nurturance family relationships and cycle, and effective parenting. .

        If you're new here, learn..

  • how the site is organized

  • how to best use it,

  • the basic premises underlying it,

  • who created it, and the six guidebooks which integrate the information and resources in the site; and learn...

  • what you need to know to understand and use the hundreds of articles and worksheets here. Typical adults (like you) aren't aware of what they need to know - so neither are their kids.

        For perspective, see one couple's unsolicited reaction to this site.

Information for All Adults and Professionals

          To get the most from this site, assess your current knowledge of these core topics:

          Compare these premises about normal personalities, healthy relationships, three-level grieving, solving relationship-problems, and family nurturance-levels, with your beliefs. Then...

          Review these introductions to...

  • normal personality subselves - slides or text

  •  psychological wounds and wound-healing - slides or text

  • the [wounds + unawareness] cycle that may stress and injure you and your descen-dents - slides or text

  • effective communication and problem-solving basics and skills - slides or text

  • bonding, losses, healthy three-level grieving, and freeing blocked grief

  • making three wise courtship choices - slides or text, and...

  • divorce and divorce recovery - slides or text

Then Study...

  • these foundation articles that typical family adults and supporters can benefit from; and...

  • this glossary of useful relationship and family terms, and...

  • these questions you ought to ask about...


Scan  this index of brief research summaries supporting key premises in this Website;

  Study these guidelines for analyzing and resolving most role and relationship problems, and for improving your communication effectiveness with adults and kids.

  Consider these ideas on why and how to have effective family meetings, and...

  Meet a wise advisor who knows you better than anyone - your future self.

        If you're not in a stepfamily and don't expect to be in one, go here.

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Information about Stepfamilies, Courtship, and Re/marriage

Do you know who comprises a nuclear stepfamily?

Reflect on these benefits of living in a stepfamily (!)

Evaluate  these five hazards that promote stepfamily stress and re/divorce; and this summary of 12 ways adults can protect everyone against them

Review what you need to know before deciding whether to re/marry, including 16 danger signs, and six key courtship questions. Option: study this slide presentation on how to make three wise mate-commitment decisions

Read these suggestions for co-creating a successful stepfamily wedding. 

Investigate why and how to make an effective stepfamily mission statement.

Review these slide presentations on stepfamily basics and effective stepparenting.

Gain perspective from these summaries of (a) stepfamily facts and (b) implications, and (c) this example of a real stepfamily.

Overview basic information about stepfamilies, re/marriage, and co-parenting; and see a (partial) diagram of a typical multi-generational stepfamily.

Gain perspective on the typical adults and kids who form American stepfamilies.

Learn...

  • how typical multi-home stepfamilies can be just like intact biofamilies, while differing in over 60 ways!

  • how typical stepfamilies develop, and three common outcomes;

  • compare the developmental phases of typical stepfamilies and intact biofamilies.

  • about merging your three or more co-parental biofamilies successfully.

  • what typical dependent stepkids need, including effective discipline.

  • about effective co-parenting (bioparenting and stepparenting),

  • suggestions about effective legal co-parenting agreements

Review a sample four-part stepfather "job description," and use this inventory of typical co-parent responsibilities to help decide who should do what for which child/ren in your stepfamily.

Evaluate and download a free 8-module course for courting co-parents. It aims to prevent widespread stepfamily stress and re/divorce by illustrating seven safeguard Projects.

Review this link-index of all the worksheets, quizzes, and checklists in this nonprofit divorce-prevention Web site.

Tally and celebrate your stepfamily's strengths!


Follow these links
if you want to learn about...

  Solving Stepfamily Problems

Get a different perspective about your family-members' personalities (inner families) and how they interact.

Then study...

  • this comparison of common surface stepfamily-problems and the primary problems that cause them.

  • ideas on evaluating and strengthening your re/marriage.

  • practical options for resolving scores of specific (step)family relationship or role problems, including nine common barriers between co-parents (including ex mates).

  • these Q&A items about ex mates, and these options for getting along better with an ex mate.

Learn about acquiring effective support for you and your family, including how to organize an effective co-parent support group.

Browse helpful stepfamily resources, like publications, Web links, and games;

Learn how to (a) choose useful stepfamily books and effective counselors, and to (b) evaluate stepfamily advice.

Meet other co-parents online or send me a comment or question.

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  Help prevent (re)divorce in your community or nation!

 Please help me make improve this site. Invest 30 seconds to tell me who you are, and why you're here. No private info about you is recorded, and no ads will pop up. You'll return to the site over-view. To come back here, click on "Directory" Thank you!

If you need something else, consult the site map or this index, ask me, or...

Search for:

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Suggestions? Questions? Praise? Gripes?
Your feedback helps!

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There's a lot here, so stop by often!

-  Peter Gerlach, MSW; Founder, nonprofit Break the Cycle! project;
Member, NSRC Council of Stepfamily Experts

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Updated  September 27, 2008