The
following unsolicited email is gratefully reprinted with the permission of Patrice Sheffer and her
partner. It vividly illustrates why I maintain this nonprofit educational site.
I've added a few popup links in case you're new to the site.
- Peter Gerlach, MSW
11-15-2000
Dear Pete:
I wanted to share the following with
you, to thank you for the advice we received from your website.
In July 1999, after having been
divorced for 3 years, I met and began dating a man who was recently
divorced. We had many things in common, found a strong attraction, and
decided we wanted to be married. We became engaged in September of 99
and planned to be married that December.
Having
already read several of the articles on your website, I asked him to read
through them with me before we got married. We went through the
projects and worksheets faithfully. As we did, we read several times
your recommendation that any couple considering remarriage should wait 18 to
24 months. I guess we figured this applied to everyone but us.
About a
month before the wedding, I began to have some serious doubts about the
advisability of
and called it off. This caused
a serious breach between me and my friend, and we stopped dating or seeing
each other for about a month. At the end of that time, he agreed with
me that it really was advisable to
wait, and we started dating again, but this time without the prospect of
marriage looming ahead.
We
thought it would be better to wait before getting engaged, as that seemed to
put too much pressure on the relationship. After that, we talked to
countless friends who had
remarried quickly, who all said that they wished they had waited and worked
things out more slowly. We felt comfortable about the decision to wait
and keep dating.
About this time,
who are younger and would be living at home for a number of years began to
resent my friend's presence. When we first planned to marry they had been
very happy about it, but were now going through some
It took
several months to work through that problem.
Another
piece of advice we had been ignoring was to get professional
in
addition to the advice we got from your website and the several
books we
bought and read. All of us began seeing a counselor, individually and
as a family. This made a
difference in how we all got along, but also helped us each to do some
individual
which needed to take place as well.
A lot of progress has been made in the
last year and a half. We are engaged again, and this time we will be
married in December 2000. We recognize that not all the problems have
been solved, and that there are several transitions to pass through. But
for those eventualities than we were.
I wanted to let you know what a
difference your work has made in the lives of one family. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Patrice Sheffer
See also this unsolicited
reaction to Project 1
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