one of three Lesson-7 Guidebooks

BUILD a CO-PARENTING TEAM
 after Divorce and Re/marriage

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council

available now as a hardback, softback, and eBook

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgements .........................................................

 9

PART 1) FOUNDATIONS

11

Introduction .....................................................................

13

1) First Things First . . . ....................................................

29

2) Basic Premises ............................................................

39

3) Key Attitudes and Expectations ....................................

61

4) Overview: Co-parent Team-building .................................

79

PART 2) REAL TEAMWORK BARRIERS

107

5) Adapt to Psychological Wounds - I .................................

111

6) Adapt to Psychological Wounds - II ................................

127

7) Grow Effective Communications .....................................

150

8) Re/build Co-parental Respect .........................................

168

9) Re/grow Trust and Honesty ............................................

187

10) Reduce Excessive Guilt ...............................................

205

11) Forgive Yourself and Your Ex .......................................

227

12) Release Blocked Grief ...............................................

248

PART 3) COMMON SURFACE BARRIERS

265

13) Make Anger Work for Your Family ...............................

267

14) Tame Excessive Resentments ....................................

281

15) Assert and Enforce Your Boundaries ............................

290

16) Loyalty Conflicts and Triangles ...................................

306

17) If a Co-parent is "Uninvolved" ......................................

323

18) Avoid or End Legal Battles ...........................................

338

19) Resolve "Money" Disputes ..........................................

354

20) Coping With "Addictions" ............................................

360

21) Reduce Child-visitation Conflicts ...................................

377

22) Reduce Sexual Tensions .............................................

390

23) Teamwork and Family Change ......................................

405

24) Summing Up and Refocusing .......................................

422

PART 4) RESOURCES

430

A) Re/marital Hazards and Protections .............................

431

B) A Stepfamily "Genogram" (Map) ...................................

439

C) Sample Family Mission Statement ...............................

441

D) High-nurturance Family Traits .......................................

443

E) Worksheet: False-self Traits ........................................

454

F) What Your Kids Need ..................................................

467

G) Common Stepfamily-merger Tasks ...............................

496

H) Summary: Communication Basics ................................

510

I ) Sample: A Personal Bill of Rights ..................................

517

J ) Common Communication Blocks ...................................

521

K) Tips for Effective Communication...................................

531

L) How We Handle Loyalty Conflicts ..................................

544

M) What’s Unique About Stepparenting? ............................

549

N) Selected Readings .....................................................

558

Index .............................................................................

565

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Updated  November 09, 2011