About "Permissions" to Grieve Major Losses
A requisite for healthy grief is consistent (a) internal (personal) and (b) social "permissions" to grieve fully in our own unique way.
Internal permissions come from personality subselves believing that the grieving process is essential for personal and relationship health. Our subselves' beliefs are usually influenced by early-child-hood caregivers' and hero/ines' perceived values about losses and grieving. The core internal permission sounds like "It is good and healthy for me to grieve my losses thoroughly, despite what others say or need."
Social (external) permissions to grieve well come implicitly or directly from the perceived behavior people around us. If their domi-nant subselves are uncomfortable with our and/or their own grief, they will imply or demand that we should not grieve - at all, or in front of them. People denying external encouragements to grieve are usu-ally wounded and uninformed, not bad, selfish, or insensitive.