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A boundary or limit is the dividing line between what behavior you'll tol-erate from others without reacting ("If you have another drink, I'm taking a cab home."). Interpersonal boundaries help define your personal identity, integrity, relationships, and security. Boundaries range between / internal (limits among your subselves) to interpersonal, / vague to clear, / stable to unstable, / unconscious to intentional, / compatible to conflictual, / nurturing to toxic, / imposed to negotiated, and / flexible to rigid. Assertion is the language of healthy boundary-setting, vs. hinting, imply-ing, pleading, whining, demanding, imposing, or threatening. Boundaries can apply to one person, a group, or a nation. They can mesh or conflict with others' boundaries. To be effective, boundaries need impactful consequen-ces. The most useful boundary-setting words are versions of "No" and "Yes." Adult-child boundaries are the domain of child discipline. Depending on which subselves guide their personality, adults and kids repress their boundaries or assert them timidly ("I'm 1-down"), firmly and re-spectfully, or harshly ("I'm 1-up"). Requisites for setting effective boundaries include an empowered true Self + personal awareness of feelings and primary needs + genuine self and mutual respect + a two-person awareness "bubble" (empathy) + a thoughtful Bill of Personal rights + fluency with seven commu-nication skills. See Lessons 1 and 2. More detail |
