Worksheet for clarifying stepfamily co-parents' responsibilities

Co-parenting worksheet Continued

Tasks in italics below are usually not needed or are significantly different in typical intact biofamilies.

Our Co-parenting Goals / Activities	Who should be responsible for doing this with (child's name) ___________________________?
Names / initials	BP1	SP1	BP2	SP2	Child	Other

Money / Work
Teach and model good money management
Define, assign, and monitor household chores
Set and monitor this child's allowance rules
Give them appropriate allowance money
Help this child get and keep an appropriate job
Help this child learn to buy and save wisely
Teach this child how to use checking and savings accounts
Determine and negotiate appropriate financial support amounts for this child
Decide how this child's support money should be used
Provide an inheritance for this child via an estate plan and legal will
Teach this child basic investment principles, and coach their attempts

Resolve major family disputes on any of these
Names / initials	BP1	SP1	BP2	SP2	Child	Other
Spirituality and Religion
Define and model healthy spirituality
Define and implement our home's spirituality "policy"
Supervise this child's religious-education site / activities / choices
Encourage and monitor this child's spiritual growth
Resolve spiritual and religious values conflicts between this child's co-parents

Child Visitations
Learn this child's other co-parents' visitation needs, priorities and feelings
Stay aware of our other co-parents' main household roles and rules
Arrange and provide transport to / from our other co-parents' home/s
Arrange special visits for this child
Keep any legal parenting agreement current, and follow or amend it. Explain it to this child.

Resolve major child visitation disputes
Healthy Grieving
Learn healthy-grieving basics, including the symptoms of blocked grief
Define, teach, and implement our home's grieving policy ("no policy" is a policy)
Clearly explain their bioparents' divorce or death to this child
Help this child understand and grieve their biofamily divorce (or parental death) and re/marriage losses
Identify this child's other adjustment tasks from their bioparents' divorce and remarriage/s

Resolve any conflicts about these tasks
Custody
Pay custody-related legal expenses
Explain custody concepts, conflicts, and realities to this child
Resolve conflicts over this child's primary residence / custody

Congratulations! If you've worked your way through a set these of pages for each minor child in your stepfamily, you're clearly a concerned, motivated co-parent! Now - what can you do with your findings?

Options

Print copies of this worksheet, and invite each of your other co-parents (including co-grandparents) to thoughtfully fill them out for each child as your teammates. As you do, help each other expect and manage probable values and loyalty conflicts in and between your several homes.

Use these (many!) responsibilities to help you evolve effective co-parental job descriptions. Also use these 30 special adjustment needs that typical minor stepkids must fill along with their normal developmental tasks.

Consider showing these worksheets to your old-enough kids, relatives, and any teachers and professionals supporting your stepfamily health and growth. These pages can help other adults appreciate how complex and different stepfamily co-parenting is compared to traditional bioparenting!

Stay aware of your priorities and your balance. Avoid over-focusing on these co-parenting responsibilities by helping each other keep clear on your personal needs and your many other personal and stepfamily-building tasks.

Edit this inventory together to better fit your unique stepfamily situation over time, and re-use it periodically to help all three or more of your co-parents clarify (and prioritize) your common goals and coordinate your child-guidance efforts.

      Finally ...

Relish the personal and joint satisfaction that you all are succeeding at the challenging job of stepfamily co-parenting! Imagine the group of your unborn grandchildren whose lives will be greatly improved by your current dedication and long-term, patient efforts! Your co-parents are the main defense against passing on the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle to your descendents!

Recap

      This Lesson-7 worksheet documents how many responsibilities typical stepfamily bioparents and stepparents (and grandparents) share toward raising healthy independent young adults. The worksheet exists to help co-parents minimize confusion over who's responsible for filling each minor and grown child's many specific developmental and family-adjustment needs.

      Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this worksheet? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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