 |
|
Why this Web Site Exists, Who it's
For, and How to Best Use It
p. 1 of 2
By Peter K. Gerlach,
MSW
|
 |
 The Web
address of this two-page article is http://sfhelp.org/site/intro.htm
Links below lead to selected articles and informative popups, so
please turn off your popup blocker
or accept popups from this nonprofit Web site.
Reflect - why are you reading this?
What do you
Note
- this article has many hyperlinks, which may fragment your reading. Option - read the
whole article first, then follow
links of interest.
 Contents
-
Why does this
non-profit, educational
Web site exist?
-
Who is this
site for?
-
why
study it?
-
Who wrote these articles, worksheets, and guidebooks?
-
How is the site is
organized? and...
-
How to best use
the information here.
Why
Does this Web Site Exist?
Based on 27 years' research,
the main purpose of this Web site is to
inform you about how to spot and break the toxic
[wounds + unawareness]
that may be stressing your marriage and family, and harming your vulnerable descendents.
Related goals are to help you
(a) avoid and reduce psychological
and to (b) grieve, com-municate, and (c) parent more
in order to
(d) reduce the toxic U.S. divorce epidemic
and other social stressors.
Special emphasis is given to members of typical
families and
and their supporters.
My objective is to make these articles a
free source of clear, practical useful information, not just abstract theories and opinions.
My overarching goals here are to
alert visitors like you to...
-
the [wounds + unawareness]
that I believe
promotes
most (of your) personal, family, and social problems, and to
provide...
-
practical options for
preventing and reducing the toxic
effects
of this trans-generational cycle on persons, families, and
societies.
Who
Is This Web Site For?
This Web site
originally focused on helping co-parents evolve
re/marriages
and stepfamilies. The focus
gradually
expanded to include
(absent-parent)
families, and
of childhood
deprivation. It now (2008) pertains to
and
most
organizations.
|
Premise - most personal, family, and social problems (unmet needs) are caused by inherited (a) adult
+
psychological wounds from
significant childhood
and trauma
+
public ignorance and denial. All three
factors are currently ignored in typical U.S. families, the media, and family-related laws and institutions despite unmistakable
symptoms everywhere.
|
This
site is for anyone who wishes to learn more about...
-
developing balanced
and
awareness, and
-
improving the nurturance level
("functionality") of any relationship, home,
or
organization;
-
the dedicated
that comprise
their (your)
and
who really runs their (your) life -
their wise
(capital "S"), or
well-meaning subselves;
-
preventing
and/or
and
psychological
wounds from low-nurturance
(toxic or "dysfunctional") childhoods, and/or anyone seeking
to learn more about...
-
improving personal and family
and
effectiveness,
including
and
facilitating incomplete grief; and/or to learn
more about...
-
preventing psychological and legal
and
about mourning the
from
divorce or mate death, and subsequent family
reorganization. And this site is for anyone interested in learning...
-
how to make three wise long-term courtship-commitment
- specially
before forming or joining a
and
in...
-
practical suggestions for
(a)
biofamilies with
kids successfully, and
for (b) evolving a stable, high-nurturance
and
The "/" notes that it may be one mate's first union.
This site aims to inform
and motivate, not entertain,
so there are few graphics or special Web-page effects.
Why Read These Articles?
In recent decades, America (and other countries?) has passively enabled a
personally and socially toxic
divorce epidemic. The first-divorce
rate
is probably more widespread than the common estimate of ~45% to 50%
because psychological divorces aren't estimated.
The percentages are less important than the millions of
average American kids and adults who are stressed by the epidemic
and what causes it.
Premise -
epidemic
divorce is a symptom of
a deeper, more pervasive problem that causes signifi-cant
stress and illness in most
average American adults and kids, despite education or wealth:
-
widespread adult
of up to seven vital
and...
-
unwise (needy, impulsive, uninformed)
commitment and conception
causing...
-
low-nurturance (ineffective) parenting,
which promotes...
-
ignorance and psychological
family
and marital
and divorce.
This
toxic self-amplifying cycle is currently accepted by our society, as
judged by media headlines and family-related laws and policies. For
example, our society requires an exam to demonstrate know-ledge and
ability to drive or pilot a vehicle, but no exam to show competence at
conceiving and raising a wholistically-health child.
|
The symptoms of the [wounds +
unawareness] cycle are everywhere: homelessness, addic-tions,
obesity
and dieting programs,
unemployment, welfare programs, "depression," suicides, school dropouts, teen pregnancies,
sleep and "mood" disorders, affairs, bankruptcies, overcrowded jails, murders, rampant divorce, family
violence and abuse, and so on.
|
After 27 years' clinical research, I propose that all social problems
like these are promoted by the [wounds + unawareness]
passing down our generations.
Once understood and validated,
this cycle can be broken.
Have symptoms like those above burdened you and/or people
you care about? If you wish to guard your descendents from the toxic
of the cycle, studying
parts of this educational site can benefit
you and your family. This is specially likely if you
a low-nurturance childhood, and/or are (or may be) in a divorcing family
or a
How
this Site is Organized
This Web site aims to present
clear, practical information on factors promoting personal healing and
growth, and high-nurturance
relationships and families. The information is presented in 10 inter-related domains. For an overview, see
this. The domains are...
-
Basic premises
underlying all sections of this site, including proposals about
analyzing and resol-ving any
relationship problem, and about
that stress typical families (like yours?);
-
12 concurrent, multi-step
- nine for all adults, and three more for typical stepfamily mem-bers. Key
ideas in these projects are explored in over 150 interlinked Web articles
and work-sheets, 11
PowerPoint slide presentations,
and six related guidebooks;
-
typical adults - specially co-parents - should ask on key personal, family, and relation-ship
topics. This site section offers brief answers to each question, and
links to more information;
-
Experience-based
to over 90 common relationship and stepfamily "problems."
Many of these solutions apply to all families.
-
Articles for motivated co-parents and others
toward
family stress and divorce
(under construction). And the site includes...
-
A
proposing a clinical model for helping typical families
understand and break [wounds + unawareness] cycle
(under construction); And the site offers...
-
Links to selected relationship and family
and...
-
A free multi-feature
Forum where visitors
can meet and discuss topics in this site; and...
-
A series of experience-based articles on
starting and maintaining an effective
and...
-
A free, downloadable, 8-module
for courting co-parents, students, and supporters. The course
covers key topics in
and can also be used as a self-study course. And this site includes...
-
Administrative pages, including a
site map and directory;
a search form; a
glossary of key terms; a visitor feedback
form; a hyperlinked index of all the
worksheets in this site organized by Project; and a brief biography of the
site author.
To make this site's content accessible to visitors with
different backgrounds, knowledge, and needs, it is modular - i.e. there are
many interlinked entry points to these 10 site sections.
A price for this mod-ularity is some repetition in the content. All
articles and summary popups are richly hyperlinked to each other and
to relevant Internet resources.
Navigation links to the administrative pages are included at the top and
bottom of each page or article.
How
to Best Use This Site
The people who raised and schooled you probably didn't know much of what is
in this site, so you'll encounter new ideas and terms. I encourage you to
choose the
curiosity and open mind of a student. This is most
likely if your
is
your other
|
CAUTION - this
Web site offers no quick fixes. if you seek resolution to
a current personal or relationship
the ideas here will probably not help you
short term. The aim here is to gain long-term motivation to
patiently reduce psychological wounds, improve marital health
and family nurtur-ance, and protect young kids from acquiring
ancestral
Progress on these goals will take months of patient effort.
The
personal and social
payoff for this
study and work is priceless. |
Despite formal education and decades of life experience, most lay and professional adults
don't know what they need to know about the
in this site. For
example, most people (like you) believe they know how to communicate, grieve, relate to
others, and raise kids effectively. My consistent clinical experience with
over 1,000 typical self-referred Midwestern-US women and men is that they
(you) don't know the
basics in these slide
presentations and foundation articles.
SO - get the most from this site by wondering "What
do I need to know about these
topics?" To dis-cover the answer, choose the open mindset of a
student, and take these self-assessment
Then get undistracted and
(a) review the
premises here and
here, and (b) compare your current
attitudes about selected topics to these.
See what you learn! If you're nurturing anyone's kids, see this as a wise
invest-ment in their long-term health and happiness.
I suspect that the reasons you're reading this are symptoms of your
Experiment
with this powerful
technique to discern what you really seek here. Then
scan the overview, the direc-tory, the
site map, and the
Q&A and Solutions
introductions. As you get clearer on what you seek, use the site
search tool to find relevant information. Expect
your learnings to continually generate new under-standings and
questions...
Finally, reflect on this...
-
you have unique traits, talents, and
limitations among all humans who have ever lived, so...
-
you have a unique
life-mission or
waiting to be discovered and pursued every day.
Typical
of childhood
and trauma (like you?) keep over-busy to
avoid painful
If you know your
life purpose,
congratulate and affirm yourself! If you're not clear why you're
on Earth yet, keep that question in mind as you browse this site.
Option
- try this interesting experience of interviewing your wise
Future Self, and see what s/he says
about your life mission...
If you or other people you care about are not in a divorcing family or stepfamily - and don't expect to be
- go here. Otherwise,
continue with page 2.
+ + +
<<
Previous page /
Add to favorites /
Print page /
Email this article's address
>>
home
/ site overview
/
directory /
site map
/
Q&A /
/
solutions
/
site search
/
glossary
research /
free course /
guidebooks
/
NEW
forums /
resources / feedback
and/or subscribe / *
Updated
September 25, 2008
|