This inventory assumes you're familiar with...
-
the
intro
to this Website and the premises
underlying it
-
self-improvement lessons
and...
-
this perspective on
awareness
|
How would you define "an
attitude" to an average ten-year old? How would you explain where
attitudes
come from, and why they're important? This article offers a way to
discover your key attitudes about yourself and other family adults and any
kids. The attitudes below can significantly affect your personal tranquility and the
quality of your relationships and family.
Abut Your Attitudes
Your tireless Inner Critic
(personality subself) gives you attitudes OR judgments: good-bad, right-wrong, acceptable-unacceptable, safe-dangerous, trivial-vital,
etc.
These opinions color your perceptions, evoke emotions, and shape your decisions, behaviors,
relationships, and achievements.
Starting in childhood, attitudes affect our
emotions, serenity, and physiology (heart rate, breathing, muscle tone, hormones) moment by moment. Would you agree that
much of this "shaping" is unconscious (reflexive) or semi-conscious? Do you feel that people can become more aware of
their primary
attitudes? Change their attitudes? Can you think of a major attitude
you've changed, across your years?
My years studying clinical hypnosis validated psychiatrist
Milton Erickson's
claim that we all reflexively broadcast and decode tiny behavioral cues
about what we and others really think and feel right now. This means
that your subselves' attitudes about the
items below will "leak"
to other people
in small facial and body reactions, voice dynamics, whether you want
to disclose them or not. Adults
and kids will decode your attitudes and react to them - often subconsciously.
Most attitudes about people are...
-
"positive" - i.e. they convey compassion, appreciation,
human equality, and
respect, or...
-
"negative" - i.e. superiority or inferiority,
scorn, disapproval, and rejection; or they convey...
-
no judgment - e.g. "girls tend to mature faster than
boys."
My experience is that typical
(GWCs) hold significant negative attitudes about key topics. These may be
ethnic, religious, age, occupational, and gender prejudices, which may
qualify as bigotry. Typical GWCs tend to be
unaware of their
attitudes, where they got them, and how they affect their serenity, relationships, and families.
Grown
Nurtured Children (GNCs) and GWCs in true wound-recovery are more apt to hold
positive, nourishing attitudes, and have more
harmonious relationships.
Do you agree?
Are you a GWC or a GNC?
Use this inventory to learn more about...
-
what
attitudes you're probably
broadcasting to people you live and work with,
-
who
is broadcasting - your
(capital "S")
OR some distrustful
subselves, and
learn more about...
-
key
attitudes in family members and others which may promote relationship stresses. This
prepares you to use your communication
(Lesson 2) to improve that, where appropriate.
Use this inventory to learn and discover, not
to blame or judge!
Before exploring your attitudes and what they may mean
to you and important others, do a…
Status Check: See
what’s true for you now: T = true, F = false, and “?”
means ”I’m not sure, or “It depends on..." (what?). Option - think of several attitudes
you hold now - e.g. about abortion, addiction, divorce, God, abuse, and
arrogance.
I can clearly define what “an attitude” is. (T F ?)
I believe our adults'
attitudes have a direct effect on (a) the
and serenity of our family, and (b) how our dependent kids will “turn out,”
long term. (T F ?)
I feel attitudes can be consciously _
chosen and _ changed
(T F ?)
Every able adult is responsible for
their attitudes and their effects. (T F ?)
In important relationships and
social situations,
I’m usually aware of (a) my attitudes
on key topics and (b) those of each other adult involved. (T F
?)
I’m comfortable discussing key (a) attitudes and
(b)
attitude conflicts with each of our family adults now. (T F ?)
Each of our family adults can clearly
define what a
is. (T F ?)
I feel each other family adult would answer “true” to each of these items now. (T F ?)
At this time, we adults have no serious “attitude
conflicts” about
key issues; or if we do, we have an effective way of
them
now. (T F ?).
I’m
sure that my
is
these questions now. (T F
?)
Pause and note your thoughts and feelings. What do they mean?
Prepare...
To
get the most out of this attitude inventory...
Choose an undistracted time
and place, and reserve ~ 30" to reflect on these items and what they mean.
Choose an attitude of
nonjudgmental curiosity, rather than "I have to answer these 'right'."
Reflect and say out loud
why you began reading this inventory - what do you
need?
If your first reaction is something like "I don't know," then breathe
well, close your eyes, and ask again: why am I reading this article? Trust your
first response without analyzing...
Option: print this and
hilight or jot key reactions as you take the inventory. Consider journaling
about your thoughts and feelings after you finish. The process of
reviewing your beliefs is as important as clarifying them.
Reflect on where you got
any toxic attitudes. You didn't have them at birth. Are
your key attitudes yours (based on your life experience) or someone else's?
Assess
whether your
is about to take this inventory.
If not, your other well-meaning subselves
may skew your results and hinder your learning.
Read any linked articles that
interest you after you're done with this inventory.
Read each item out loud,
and then decide what your attitude is. Reflect and be
aware of your thoughts, feelings, and breathing.
Option: rank your
opinion on each item from 1 (toxic) to 5 (nourishing),
or use "?" if
your attitude varies or is unclear.
Inventory Your Attitudes...
These beliefs can help
or hinder your key relationships...
1) Is legal
divorce
sometimes or always
wrong, irresponsible, cowardly,
weak, immoral, sinful, or bad; OR a painful,
useful way of (a) self-learning and (b) regaining the potential for future
health, peace, and happiness for all concerned after all other available
options prove fruitless? (1 2 3 4 5 ?)
2) Are adults who divorce
bad, sick, weak, wrong, quitters,
failures, irresponsible, losers, immoral, and/or sinners;
OR
are they psychologically
wounded,
overwhelmed, scared, exhausted,
needy persons seeking more peace, hope, comfort, and safety in their and
their kids' lives? (1 2 3 4 5 ?)
3) Are adults who have sexual or romantic
affairs bad,
sick,
irresponsible, immoral, weak, pathetic, wrong, and sinners;
OR are they unconsciously controlled by
which significantly
hinder...
-
healthy courtship choices,
-
wholistically-healthy intimacy,
bonding, sexual satisfaction and harmony, and...
-
effective communication and problem-solving?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
4) Are adults who
(a) conceive unwanted kids or (b) abort
pregnancies, bad, sick,
irresponsible, immoral, weak, pathetic, wrong, pitiful, and/or sinners;
OR are they wounded, impulsive, reactive, needy, tormented,
scorned, guilty and shamed people needing genuine
respect acceptance,
empathy, supportive confrontation, and healing?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
5)
Are family adults who
legally sue or call the police
on each
other
bad, sick, weak, pathetic, vengeful, abusive,
childish, immature, irresponsible,
immoral, and/or wrong; OR are they overwhelmed, unaware,
wounded, weary, reactive, tormented people
ruled by needy, distrustful subselves who
can't problem-solve effectively
and see no better choices? (1 2 3 4 5
?)
Recall: 1 = a toxic attitude > 5 = a healthy attitude
6)
Are people with past or present
addictions, including
bad, sick,
diseased, weak-willed, losers, irresponsible, stupid, ignorant, and/or wrong,
OR are they unaware,
wounded, needy, unhappy, hopeless,
confused people whose protective false selves persistently try to provide
self medication (temporary comfort) from relentless daily inner pain?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
Attitude 7)
Are mothers who give up OR lose child custody
bad, sick, weak,
irresponsible, immoral, pathetic, immature, despicable, and/or wrong;
OR are they...
OR are they...
-
wounded,
unaware, financially and often educationally disadvantaged, under-supported, and
victimized
by majorly-wounded ex-mates and in-laws and uninformed legal and
mental-health systems? (1 2 3 4 5 ?)
8)
Are stepfamilies and step-people inherently inferior to traditional
intact biofamilies? Are they comparatively abnormal, substandard,
limited, unnatural, dysfunctional, ... OR are they an
ancient,
normal type of human family with (a) special
challenges and (b) the steady potential to be as nurturing, enjoy-able, and
productive as all other kinds of family? (1 2 3 4
5 ?)
9) Are
typical stepparents (or stepmothers) evil, wicked, inferior,
second best, abnormal, and/or less effective caregivers;
OR are
they well-meaning,
confused, significantly
idealistic, overwhelmed,
guilty, anxious,
frustrated men and women doing
their best in a confusing, alien family role and
environment
which they're usually unprepared for and lack adequate support? (1
2 3 4 5 ?)
10) Are kids
of divorce or parental death and remarriage
(stepkids) damaged and
disadvantaged, OR are they...
-
of equal human potential with
non-divorced peers and...
-
challenged with special
adjustment
needs and wounds that may slow or block personal growth and
effective adult independence and contentment? (1 2 3
4 5 ?)
Option: after ranking this, read this
recent research summary and return
here..
11) Are adults and kids
who believe in a Higher Power or Supreme Being deluded, silly, weak,
gullible, brainwashed,
losers, New Age,
stupid, pathetic, dumb, tragic, bigoted, hypocritical, and/or unrealistic;
OR does such a
spiritual entity really exist, care, listen and respond, and steadily
direct each child's and adult's life course
whether they believe it or not?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
12) Is human suffering
wrong, bad, tragic, awful,
purposeless, and
preventable; OR is it unavoidable, instructive, and
potentially growth-promoting, long term? (1 2 3
4 5 ?)
13) Is interpersonal conflict
bad, unproductive, stressful, harmful, and/or "negative";
OR
is conflict
(a) a useful sign that someone's
are unmet, and (b) an opportunity for personal and relationship growth?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
More key attitudes that will affect your relationships and self-esteem. Recall: "1" here is a toxic attitude, and "5" is a nourishing attitude.:
14) Are some emotions like
anger, shame, guilt, lust, greed, scorn, and fear bad or
negative,
OR
is every emotion a normal, useful sign that one or more
needs (discomforts) are currently unmet and merit attention? (1
2 3 4 5 ?)
15) Are some adults and kids
inherently evil
(willfully malicious and incapable of genuine caring, love, empathy, and compassion)
OR are they...
-
unaware of being dominated by a protective
and...
-
relentlessly burdened with
reality distortions, excessive fears, shame, guilts, inner pain, and perhaps uncontrollable rage impulses; who...
-
lack the
self-awareness and
adequate human and spiritual resources to stabilize, self-confront, and
start healing? (1 2 3 4 5 ?)
16) Are confusions
and doubts usually bad, problematic, distracting, undesirable,
and unproductive, OR are they often
useful signs of (a) psychological
wounds and/or (b) symptoms of healthy
change
in important attitudes, perceptions, and values? (1 2 3
4 5 ?)
17) Is
serious or chronic
depression always bad
OR can it sometimes be a normal sign of the sadness and despair phase of healthy grief
that needs empathic, patient support and encouragement, not
alarm, treatment, and medication?
(1 2 3 4 5 ?)
18) Are
adults OR kids who are
excessively controlling
manipulative, aggressive, egotistical or abusive, bad, sick,
weak, pitiful, evil, and/or wrong; OR are they unaware of suffering from psychological
and a leaderless personality
which cause impulsive, uncontrollable, hurtful actions
to other people and themselves? (1 2 3 4
5 ?)
19) Are parents who emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically
neglect or abandon
their kids bad, sick,
immoral, criminal, disgusting, weak, irresponsible, and/or wrong,
OR are they...
-
excessively wounded, ignorant, unaware persons, ...
-
who's false-self protectively blocks
bonding
with and nurturing themselves and/or others, and...
-
who suffer relentless loneliness,
toxic shame and guilts, anxieties, and social
and
internal scorn and rejection, and...
-
feel situationally
OR chronically
trapped, helpless, and hopeless? (1 2 3 4
5 ?)
20)
Are families who are
court-ordered
into therapy or mediation usually too troubled and
resistant to really
change,
OR is each case
unique, with strategic chances to learn better ways of functioning together? (1
2 3 4 5 ?)
21)
Are people often
controlled by a
false self
(wounded) inferior, sick, hopeless, wacko,
abnormal,
disadvantaged, disabled, second best, and/or
crazy, OR are they worthy, talented,
neglected, unaware, miserable people doing their best to survive,
who have the steady potential to learn and
heal (empower their true Self to guide and harmonize
their other well-meaning subselves)? (1 2 3 4
5 ?)
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/relate/keys/attitudes.htm