Lesson 4 of 7  - optimize your relationships

LESSON-4 LINK INDEX

Evolve nourishing relationships

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council

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        This is a link index to all Web site materials in Lesson 4 - optimize your  relationships, including marriage. These articles assume you've made significant progress on self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 3. The Lesson-4 study guide offers a structured way to learn from these and related articles.

        This brief YouTube video provides perspective on this self-improvement Lesson:

        Topics:

1)  Relationship Basics

4-1)  A quiz on relationship basics. How much do you know?

4-2)  Perspective on needs - the roots of human behavior

4-3)  Dr. Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs" 

4-4)  Requisites for a mutually-satisfying relationship - do you have enough of them?

4-5)  Q&A about relationships. See the Lesson-7 link index for Q&A on stepfamily relationships.

4-6)  Inventory - learn how your attitudes shape your relationships.

4-7)  Research summary: "...the Roots of Empathy."

4-8)  Perspective on liking and being liked (socially)

2)  Relating to Yourself (Your Self)

        A requisite for relating well with other people is to have a respectful, loving relationship with yourself. Lesson 1 offers perspective and options for (a) getting to know and appreciate the subselves who comprise your personality, and for (b) harmonizing them under the expert guidance of your resident true Self.

        These Lesson-4 articles are among many in all six other Lessons that focus on self-awareness:

4-9)  A sample Bill of Personal Rights. Do you know your rights as a dignified, worthy person?

4-10)  Define your "anger policy"

4-11)  options for forgiving yourself or another person

3)  Resolve Common Relationship Problems

4-12)  Options for analyzing relationship problems

4-13)  Options for resolving relationship problems

4-14)  Overview of nine common barriers to satisfying relationships

4-15)  Options for relating to psychologically-wounded people

4-16)  Options for improving mutual respect

4-17)  Options for improving honesty. Make it safe to tell the truth

4-18)  Options for improving self and mutual trust

4-19)  How to benefit from anger and frustration

4-20)  Options for managing significant resentments

4-21)  Options for reducing shyness

4-22) - Options for managing hostility

4-23) Options for responding to intimidation

4-24)  Options for resolving boundary problems

4-25)  Options for managing significant jealousy

4-26)  When abuse is not abuse - it's aggression

4-27)  Options for improving relationships with co-workers and superiors

4-28)  An illustration of concurrent values and loyalty conflicts and relationship triangles

4-29)  How to resolve values conflicts, impasses, and relationship "cutoffs"

4-30)  Worksheet: How we resolve values conflicts now

4-31)  Spot and resolve Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer relationship triangles 

4-32)  Q&A about disputes over money

4-33)  Avoid or resolve legal battles between family members

4-34)  A menu of solutions to common relationship problems

4)  Primary Relationships, Divorce, and Ex Mates

        One reason this Web site exists is to combat the tragic U.S. divorce epidemic. The links here are grouped by Marriage basics, Courtship, and Solving marital problems. Resources for remarriages are part of Lesson 7,

A) Basics

Five marital hazards caused by the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle

4-35)  Keys to a satisfying marriage

4-36) Worksheet - a marital satisfaction inventory: how well are your needs met?

4-37) Reprint: “Respect – the Heart of Every Successful Marriage,” by Annie Gottlieb

4-38)  Q&A about primary relationships

4-39)  Q&A about divorce, redivorce, and divorce recovery

4-40)  Perspective on the silent American divorce epidemic

4-41)  16 Alternatives to divorce

4-42)  Worksheet - symptoms of an unfinished divorce

4-43)  Perspective on remarriage  

B) Courtship Articles and Worksheets

        Divorce starts by making unwise courtship decisions.

4-44)  Q&A about choosing a mate

4-45)  Worksheet - common courtship danger signs for childless couples

4-46)  Worksheet - Am I committing to the right people?

4-47)  Worksheet - When is the right time to commit?

4-48)  Worksheet - Are we committing for the right reasons?

4-41)  Worksheet - Our primary-relationship's strengths and growth areas (2 pages)

C) Solutions to Common Marital Problems

        These articles build on the "Relationship Problems" articles above.

Reprint - "Avoiding Couple Karate - Lessons in the Marital Arts," by Anthony Brandt

4-42)  Worksheet: ranking our recent priorities 

4-43)  Options for improving marital intimacy

4-44)  Options for resolving marital love dissatisfactions

4-45)  Perspective on same-gender partnerships

4-46)  The real cause of "we don't have enough time together"

4-47)  Perspective on marital affairs

4-48)  Options for reducing mates' sexual problems (2 pages)

4-49)  Options for reducing marital stress from prejudices

4-50)  Options if your mate hasn't grieved the death of a prior spouse.

D)  Ex-mate Relationships

4-51)  Basic perspective on ex-mate relations

4-52)  Links to articles about resolving common ex-mate / co-parenting problems

Review - Options for family-stabilizing after an ex-mate remarries.

5)  Adult - Child Relationships

        Relating well to typical minor kids depends on understanding their age-related developmental and special needs and limitations. No matter what their age or circumstances, kids need what all adults need - reliable nurturance - i.e. respect, security, nutrition, stimulation, patience, listening, rest, protection, and help learning from their mistakes. Lesson 6 in this Web site focuses on effective parenting.

Review - Guidelines for effective communication with kids (Lesson 2)

Preview - Normal developmental tasks for minor kids (Lesson 6)

Preview - Dr. Erik Erikson's 8 stages of human development  (Lesson 6)

Preview - A memo from your child  (Lesson 6)

Preview - Nurturing psychologically-wounded kids (Lesson 6)

Review - Selected research articles on kids

        See Lesson 7 for articles on stepparent-stepchild and stepsibling relationships. 

6)  Relationship with a Higher Power

       

Review - perspectives on toxic and healthy religion and spirituality (Lesson 1)

 Recap

        This is a link-index to Lesson-4 resources about relationships in this educational Web site. These re-sources build on Lessons 1 thru 3, and are grouped as:

  • Relationship basics,

  • Common relationship problems,

  • Primary-relationships (basics / dating / problem-solving / ex mates), and...

  • Adult-child relationships

  • Higher Power.

        self-improvement Lesson 4 guides you through using the articles summarized here toward better answer-ing this quiz about relationships. Use these Lesson 1-4 concepts and tools to master Lessons 5 thru 8 in this online self-improvement Break the Cycle! course.

         Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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Updated February 03, 2012