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Do you know someone who constantly complains and whines? Would others say you do that? Chronic whiners focus on how bad and/or unfair things are. To avoid scary self-responsibility, they insist "It's not my fault!" and/or "I can't help it!", and make endless excuses for not asserting their needs and boundaries. People who whine and complain excessively are often controlled by a personality subself that believes these behaviors protect the Shamed, Guilty, Scared, and/or other Inner Kids from painful risk, failure, scorn, and overwhelm. The Whiner / Complainer distrusts the resident true Self (ca-pital "S") and other Manager subselves to protect these Inner Kids. This earnest subself often teams up with other well-meaning Guardian-parts like the Cynic/Pessimist, the Catastrophizer, the Entitled One, the Victim / Martyr, and/or the Worrier subselves to cause gloomy, pessimis-tic thoughts and feelings. If other people suggest solutions to the com-plaints, this subself quickly replies "Yes, but (that won't work because...)" to avoid responsibility for asserting primary needs. Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site offers practical ways to identify and harmonize personality subselves under the expert leadership of the wise true Self and other Managers. As this happens, excessive whining and complaining shifts toward self-responsibility and effective assertion and problem-solving. Detail / Q&A / Lesson 1 guide, links, & book / skeptical? / close |
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